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1,127 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"Aging House Project"

You are in the middle of some kind of project around
the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in,
painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot
and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your
old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with
the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who
knows what and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement
project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to
get something required to complete the job. Depending
on your age you might do the following:

In your 20s:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow
dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean
clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a
dab of your favorite cologne because you never know,
you just might meet some hot chick while standing in
the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty
girl running the register.

In your 30s:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.
Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need
for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair.
Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of
your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl
running the register is the kid sister to someone you
went to school with.

In your 40s:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is
long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your
shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your
hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty
so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-
Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking
in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the
register is your daughter's age and you feel weird
thinking she is spicy.

In your 50s:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the
dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes
because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports
car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not
to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she
sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then
you remember the hat you have on is from your
buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms."

In your 60s:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.
Hose off the dog poop off your shoes. The mirror was
shattered when you were in your 50s. You hope you
have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in
your pants. The girl running the register may be cute
but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70s:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until
they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice
the dog poop on your shoes. The young thing at the
register smiles at you because you remind her of her

In your 80s:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart.
Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think what
it is you are looking for. Pass gas out loud and you think
someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted
you at the front door went to school with you.

Starving Tile Artist
1,216 Posts
I'm in my 30's and fit into the 50's catagory... I am worried.
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