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· The Duke
15,100 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Part 1....This is a long story

Once upon a time in Monroe, WA, there was a little country and western boot store in the parking lot of the Safeway. I can't recall how I found out about the nail pounding contest, but I was there, Mr. Macho I'm Gonna Kick All Y'All's Asses.

This was at a time in my life I was invincible, late 20's, framing God, blah blah. So I saunter into the boot store. There was a few prizes, I think first place took $250, 2nd got $125. I waltz up and say "I am here to win the nail pounding contest!" No not really, but that's what I was thinking.

So, the young naive lad leads me over to the contest area, inside of the store. There on a pair of sawhorses was a 4x6 piece of southern yellow pine. I immediately thought "oh ****!"

Then....the bomb was dropped.

The promotion was put on by none other than Stanley.....yes THE Stanley Co. Well, they were promoting THEIR hammer. The hammer was a 20 oz. flat faced hammer (no waffles to you rooks), handle was steel and about 12" long. The man in the Izod shirt says I must use the hammer for the contest. I meekly protested but new he was going to say something wimpy like "rules are rules"


So Mr. Pink shirt man tells me I need to pound 6 nails into this piece of petrified wood and hands me the nails. 6 of the finest made 16d smooth head spikes I've seen in my lifetime. They are quite beautiful. I'm thinking "how many times is the head going to slip off and you pound your thumb Rambo?"

But I'm determined. He says "GO!" And off I go pounding merrily along. "Tink, tink, tink, tink".....15 hammer blows later I've succeeded with my first nail!!! The thing is not petrified, it's titanium!

I whip through the 6 nails as fast as I can and end up with a time of somewhere around 30 seconds. Humiliating. Disgusted with myself, I lower my head and start walking away.

Blondie yells to me " got first place!" I'm befuddled.

Contest was lasting a month, I think there was a week to go. A long week it turns out to be.

Next day I tell the boys what I did. I've got no problems, none of them really were interested in this thing after I told them *cough* how tough it was. Heck....why let the competition in?

The last day, I call up....I'm still in's late in the day....I'm a shoo in...I've got it.

Following day at work, I'm telling them all about it. "Yeah, I must've one else got there"

Marv ol' Marv ol' pal......"hehe was on my way home, figured what the heck...."

· The Duke
15,100 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Part 2

Now....Marv was my right hand man. Marv's family was big. They are Lutheran. They don't believe in birth control. 7 brothers and 6 sisters. At some time, I had 6 of the brothers working with me. All great workers, very nice and pleasant.

I looked at Marv.

"You son of a *****! You won didn't you?!?!?!

Marv sitting there with his "what...who me? I didn't do anything" bull**** grin.

"You said you weren't going!!!" I yelled

"I wasn't! I just know...."

Oh whatever.....what was your time? He beat me by like 0.1 seconds. have this stuff in the crawlspace to do and I need a volunteer. Marv? No, not really....I was gracious....after a day.

So I go in after work to the boot store. I talk to Skippy and he goes and gets the manager. Hell...I want my money....I got at least second place.....right?


Manager comes up. "There was a problem with the contest. Seems there was some confusion to the rules as to how to proceed with the start time."

He goes on explaining and I'm thinking I either lost all together or I won.


· The Duke
15,100 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Part 3

"Well, the only way we can figure to do this fairly is to get the top 3 finishers in here for a do over. The top 3 get in the top 3 no matter what. Just the order may change based on the outcome"


I start thinking....and thinking....

We were supposed to come back at a later date. It gave me time to plan. No, not practice....plan. I was a little more evil minded back then.....OK, so I was a dick...get off my back!

I figured out a way to win. smart...

I'm gonna start the first nail right on the very end of the beam, right in a split, and work my way towards the middle. Brilliant plan if I must say so. It's got to split and the other nails will be a piece of cake going in! My...I'm so proud of me of thinking of that! I deserve a raise!

So I get there, I'm ready. Loafer shoe guy is ready with the stopwatch....."GO!"

I immediately go into action. First nail surprisingly goes in tougher than I thought. Second....third....easier...easier...then the rest I could've pushed in with my thumb. 6th nail home and I am victor! I look at the guy....smiling....he's pissed. Oh is he pissed.

"I should disqualify you just for doing that! That's cheating!"

"What! How is that cheating?"

Gah...pointless argument. He wasn't going to accept that. So he drew a line where I could start and I thought that I'd do the same. Find a crack, drive them head to head. Didn't work. They still went in tough.

I find out later that I dropped to third. Marv won. Fair and square. He's the better man. I got like $50.

Ah...but that's not the end of the story!

· The Duke
15,100 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Part 4, the final chapter.

Marv calls me months later.

"'re not going to believe this! Remember the nail pounding contest? It was a nationwide contest. They held this everywhere. The winner at all the locations got their name thrown into a hat for a grand prize drawing and I was drawn!"

GTFO here....Marv has this uncanny luck. God is looking over him.

"There's a nail pounding contest in Vegas, there's 12 of us going to be competing in Vegas!"

:censored: Vegas!!!! I am supposed to be the one going to Vegas!!!

Dammit...OK fine...have fun

He's gone the weekend, he comes back......he won. Marv won the National Nail Pounding Competition. He said the place the contest was at there was like 200,000 people in a convention center. He got up on stage in the winners circle or whatever, had a couple honeys on each side of him in bikinis while they were taking pictures.

He got all sorts of Stanley tools and an all expense paid trip to Cabo San Lucas for 2 weeks.

Marv....I miss working with you bud.

· The Duke
15,100 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Morale of the story:

Cheaters NEVER Win!!
Sorry framerman, but Marv sounds like a good guy who deserved something good to happen to him. Not that you aren't.'re absolutely right. I was a much angrier person back then. Marv did deserve it.

· Registered
6,709 Posts
Thanks for not dragging it out over 4 days!

Just one question - did you buy their "new" hammer?

For more humour - talked to a carpenter buddy tonight. He had his brand new serrated faced Stiletto on the job. Made the mistake of laying it down, and the electrician grabed it and used it as a chisel, hitting it with his own hammer.

Lost all the serrations, not sure if the electrician is still alive. :whistling

· General Contractor
6,509 Posts
Used to carry a 22 oz, 20" Bluegrass. I would have squashed that electrician.

· strat hd
1,718 Posts
Was gonna post an intermission.

Did'nt think I could type fast enough though (which I cant).

About six years ago I was wandering around Daytona Bike Week and I stumbled upon a game called Hammerschlaggen. My eyes lit up like a christmas tree! I have been waiting for this all my life as it is a nail driving contest. I use a 28 oz. vaugn rigging axe (you know what I mean Framerman).

There was a cottonwood stump. Five players and everyone got one swing to sink a 16 into the stump. One shot then the hammer was passed to the next player in rotation. Keep going around till someone set the nail. First one to sink it wins. Well the hammer was a 2 1/2 to 3 lb sledge with a wedge facing where the claw would normally be. That is what you had to drive the nail in with. A wedge.

2$ to play 1$ went to the game owner. Winner also wins a beer token. So I get my stance and stay with it. Eventually I get dialed in and was sinking the 16 with one shot. Not all the time but it was a blast. I was there every night. A few times the owner asked me to leave and come back later cause the other players accused me of being a ringer.

Some nights we would be making side bets and I'd leave with a few hundred. I have pics but they're not digital, gonna have to dig em up.

· Super Moderator
11,313 Posts
I have a different perspective. When I first started my vocational carpentry class in 10th grade, we were each required to test our nail driving abilities. We had 30 seconds to start and drive as many 16d nails as possible. Best guy in class had 7, I think. Me, I started and bent over exactly 3 nails, driving in none!. I was the worst in the class. I was a skinny kid, about 5'6, probably 115 pounds. While my nail driving has definitely improved, I will never be one of the best. I tend to get by more on my mental approach to framing.

· KemoSabe
14,248 Posts
When I first started in the frame game, I spent the first 3 years building condos at the shore with no nail guns. Everything was nailed by hand and I was cheap labor. There was always competition within the crew and everyday was a contest among us. Who could frame a sidewall first? (56' long). Who could nail off a sheet of decking first? Blah Blah Blah.
I don't think there was ever a consistant winner, other than the boss. We were faster than some crews who were gunning everything, because we were organized and systematic.
I don't know how I would've fared at that nailbanging contest, but I would've liked to give it a shot.:thumbsup:
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