The Official CT Joke Duel Page - Page 72 - Off Topic (Non Trade) - Contractor Talk

The Official CT Joke Duel Page

 
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Old 01-05-2014, 12:08 PM   #1421
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


I hear it's so cold today someone actually spotted a democrat with his hands in his own pockets.
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Old 01-05-2014, 12:09 PM   #1422
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Little Johnny was sitting in class with his fellow peers. The teacher of the class asked for a volunteer to say a full sentence about their parents. When no one raised their hand, the teacher called on Little Johnny to say the full sentence. He replied with "Hummm... Well... My Dad eats light bulbs." The teacher looked at Johnny strangely and said "Oh no, Johnny, your dad doesn't eat light bulbs, that's absurd" Johnny argued back, "Yeah huh, last night daddy said to mommy, 'oh honey, turn off that lamp and let me eat that thing'"
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Old 01-07-2014, 04:01 PM   #1423
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


The Official CT joke duel page-image-3495845840.jpg
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Old 01-07-2014, 06:44 PM   #1424
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped in to a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.



The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"





The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady – I vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."



The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or ass sweetie, what are you doing then?



He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,'Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:02 AM   #1425
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


I think this qualifies as a joke.
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:07 AM   #1426
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


The hammer handle swing back would be brutal....
As would bending over in that crescent wrench....
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:50 AM   #1427
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by donerightwyo View Post
I hear it's so cold today someone actually spotted a democrat with his hands in his own pockets.
Teenagers are pulling their pants up...
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Old 01-09-2014, 05:38 PM   #1428
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK

I was laughing so hard I was crying.
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Old 01-09-2014, 06:09 PM   #1429
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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The hammer handle swing back would be brutal....
As would bending over in that crescent wrench....
I worked for a guy who wore his belt like that. Everyone made fun of him for it too. He was a great contractor though
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Old 01-09-2014, 06:10 PM   #1430
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by txgencon View Post
I think this qualifies as a joke.
Building a house with fence posts?
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Old 01-09-2014, 06:32 PM   #1431
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Torpedo level, wrench, stud finder, utility knife, fence post, AND no tape measure? What the hell is he doing?
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Old 01-09-2014, 09:38 PM   #1432
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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I worked for a guy who wore his belt like that. Everyone made fun of him for it too. He was a great contractor though
No fn way! No great contractor would wear a tool belt backwards!
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Old 01-09-2014, 09:39 PM   #1433
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Building a house with fence posts?
On an alpine mountain.....
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Old 01-09-2014, 09:59 PM   #1434
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Why do men fart more than women?
Because Women can't keep there traps shut long enough for the pressure to build up.
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:15 PM   #1435
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the Ocean?

Bob


And what do you call five guys with no arms and no legs in the ocean....with a girl named Ann?












bob,bob,bob....bob,bob and ann.
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:21 PM   #1436
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Why do they call is pms?



Because mad cow disease was already taken
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Old 01-09-2014, 11:06 PM   #1437
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Why do they call is pms? Because mad cow disease was already taken
Watch the Guinness world record show tonight?
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Old 01-09-2014, 11:07 PM   #1438
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Watch the Guinness world record show tonight?
yep, he was going to fast for me to keep up
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Old 01-09-2014, 11:55 PM   #1439
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Two greek naked statues. One a man and one a woman. Staring at each other for a thousand years. The Gods came down from the heavens and said, " You two have been so good, we will allow you to come alive for 10 minutes to do what ever you want." They came alive and instantly jumped in to the bushes together.

All you could hear were grunts and groans. The bush was a shakin' and the leaves where a flying. After 5 minutes, the Gods came down and said, "Okay, you're half way done." The male statue says to the female, " Okay, this time you hold the pigeon while I sh** on it."
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Old 01-12-2014, 12:22 AM   #1440
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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