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The Official CT Joke Duel Page

 
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Old 02-22-2013, 09:36 AM   #1001
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


he's going to foc-us...what bof-us
I think that's the joke.
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Old 02-22-2013, 02:37 PM   #1002
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Old 02-22-2013, 02:39 PM   #1003
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I've worked with guys that couldn't hold their mud...
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Old 02-22-2013, 02:48 PM   #1004
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


I really didn't need to know that
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Old 02-22-2013, 02:59 PM   #1005
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


A blind man walks into the local lumber yard, walks up to the counter and says:
"I need some work done on my house but don't have much money for material. I would like to offer a challenge in lieu of some of the payment.
I can identify any species of wood, just by its scent."

Intrigued, the yardman accepts the challenge and brings the man beck into the warehouse. He lays a plank of spanish cedar on the table.

The blind man takes a big whiff.
"Snnnnniffffffff."

"That would be spanish cedar."

Impressed the yardman says,

"Okay, that was an easy one though."

The yardman grabs another plank of paulownia and sets it down on the table, and again, the blind man takes a big whiff:
"Snnnnniffffffff."

"That would be paulownia."

The yardman is amazed.

"That's a pretty good trick", he says.

Not to be outdone, he turns to the blind man and says "Wait here a second."

The yardman goes into the office and grabs Olga. The 59 year old secretary for the company, has her strip naked, and lay on the table.

"Now," says the yardman, "How about this one?"

The blind man takes a big whiff,
"Snnnnniffffffff."

He pauses for a second, then takes another big whiff.
"Snnnnniffffffff."

He then turns to the yardman and says,"I think I got it."

"It's the sh**house door, off a Russian tuna boat."
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Old 02-22-2013, 04:19 PM   #1006
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by Leo G View Post
I really didn't need to know that
You started it...
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:14 PM   #1007
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
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he's going to foc-us...what bof-us
I think that's the joke.
yes it is, i thought it was funny when i heard it. geuss not
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:22 PM   #1008
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yes it is, i thought it was funny when i heard it. geuss not
nicko
I bet it's better when you hear it. Also i think the african american part could be left out seeing how it's not really necessary
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:52 PM   #1009
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


so I had this girlfriend one time. She didn't have any arms, but she was real pretty. we got along real well. I took her out for supper once but I couldn't fine any parking spot.. I didn't know what to do, an she was stumped......
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:54 PM   #1010
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


boooooooo wait why am i chuckling
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Old 02-22-2013, 08:34 PM   #1011
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by tenon0774 View Post
I've worked with guys that couldn't hold their mud...
An old timer that used to work for us always said "Boy, when you get to be my age you never trust a fart". Makes for lot of trips to the can somedays.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:50 PM   #1012
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael?"

Michael: "Just a minute, I have to go pee." Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite!!! Teacher: "What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny: "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper. " The teacher fainted!!
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:27 PM   #1013
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Two sperm are doing there thing swimming hard.

One tired sperm says to the one next to him "geez I'm gettin' tired, how much farther to the uterus?"

The other sperm retorts, "Uterus? We haven't even gotten past the esophagus !!!"
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:30 PM   #1014
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page



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Two sperm are doing there thing swimming hard.

One tired sperm says to the one next to him "geez I'm gettin' tired, how much farther to the uterus?"

The other sperm retorts, "Uterus? We haven't even gotten past the esophagus !!!"
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:36 PM   #1015
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


What did one azz cheek say to the other?

If we stick together, we can stop this chit.
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:38 PM   #1016
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Don't sweat it nikko, its one of dem jokes you have to read out loud in order to get it.
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:00 PM   #1017
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Earl walked into a drug store in Kentucky and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no
male employees. She then asked if she could help him. Earl said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The lady pharmacist assured him that she was
completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with a high level of professionalism.

Earl then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but, I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do. 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed and $3,000 per month in living expenses.
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Old 02-26-2013, 07:10 PM   #1018
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


the vagitarian is on a roll
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Old 02-27-2013, 09:27 AM   #1019
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Damn ,Kevin how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go ?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who ?'"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes !
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So . . . . here I am !
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Old 02-27-2013, 09:33 AM   #1020
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. The doctor said "When you feel you are ready to ejaculate try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion he ran home to his wife. At home he found his wife in bed naked and waiting. As the two began they found themselves in the 69 position. The man moments later felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired off the starter pistol. The next day the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked "How did it go?" The man answered "Not that well. When i fired the pistol my wife **** in my face, bit my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

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