The Official CT Joke Duel Page - Page 125 - Off Topic (Non Trade) - Contractor Talk

The Official CT Joke Duel Page

 
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Old 05-12-2019, 07:06 PM   #2481
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by rescraft View Post
How many Lowes could Rob Lowe rob, if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes?
A Rob Lowe could rob all the Lowes a Rob Lowe could rob if a Rob Lowe could rob Lowes.
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Old 05-16-2019, 09:02 AM   #2482
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


The Official CT joke duel page-bz-5cdd62e2ea93f.jpeg
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Old 05-16-2019, 09:44 AM   #2483
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
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But the important question is, did you "like" them...

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Old 05-23-2019, 06:10 PM   #2484
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


dog no show
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Old 05-25-2019, 04:55 AM   #2485
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


...
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Old 05-25-2019, 10:44 AM   #2486
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Makes me glad I'm named Wood, with no S!
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Old 05-25-2019, 10:45 AM   #2487
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Wood View Post
Makes me glad I'm named Wood, with no S!
...
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Old 05-30-2019, 09:32 AM   #2488
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


...
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Old 06-06-2019, 05:26 AM   #2489
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Old 06-06-2019, 10:53 AM   #2490
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


At breakfast earlier: "Walk It Off"

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Old 06-08-2019, 04:59 AM   #2491
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Samo samo on the job site:
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Old 06-09-2019, 07:40 AM   #2492
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Old 06-17-2019, 11:28 AM   #2493
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


...
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Old 07-03-2019, 05:24 AM   #2494
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Guy walks into family room carrying glass of water and 2 aspirin, hands to his wife.

She looks up, and says

"That's nice sweetheart, but I don't have a headache"

He goes. "GOTCHA!!!"

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Old 07-03-2019, 09:49 AM   #2495
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


virgil
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Old 07-04-2019, 05:47 AM   #2496
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


...
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Old 07-16-2019, 07:53 PM   #2497
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


The Official CT joke duel page-403a8551da7c991a.jpeg
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Old 07-19-2019, 08:38 AM   #2498
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


The Official CT joke duel page-72ecb19c91de3872.jpg
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Old 07-20-2019, 07:43 PM   #2499
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


...
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:13 AM   #2500
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


José and Carlos are beggars. They beg in different areas of town.
Carlos begs for the same amount of time as José, but collects only about $8.00 or $9.00 a day.
José brings home a suitcase full of $10 dollar bills every day.
He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend.
"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to José, "I work just as long and hard as you do... so how come you bring home a suitcase full of $10 dollar bills every day?"
José says, “Look at your sign... what does it say?"

Carlos reads his sign: "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."
"What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him.
"No wonder you only get $8.00 or $9.00 a day!" says José.
Carlos says, “All right, what is on your sign?"
José shows him:
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