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The Official CT Joke Duel Page

 
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Old 11-03-2018, 03:08 PM   #2401
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Old 11-03-2018, 03:38 PM   #2402
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


So much for the great escape lol
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Old 11-05-2018, 01:40 PM   #2403
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by SmallTownGuy View Post
...
Worked for Andy Dufresne
"Andy crawled to freedom through five-hundred yards of **** smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want ..."

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Old 11-05-2018, 09:19 PM   #2404
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


The Official CT joke duel page-bq-5be0f0563fac0.jpeg
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Old 11-13-2018, 06:11 PM   #2405
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his Harley motorcycle in the garage.

His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage. You probably should also consider selling your Harley and all your welding equipment along with your gun collection, and your fishing gear, and the boat and lose all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car, and your home brewing equipment..."

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!?" she screamed,
"YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom replied, “I wasn't....
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Old 11-15-2018, 07:47 AM   #2406
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


A little hunting humor...

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Old 11-19-2018, 07:03 AM   #2407
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


A man in a florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce

the man persists and asks to see the manager.

The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, i was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.

We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

Greenbay , Wisconsin , sir,' the boy replied.

Well, why did you leave greenbay? The manager asked.

The boy said, 'sir, there's nothing but whores & football players up there.'

Really?' said the manager. 'my wife is from Greenbay

No chit?' replied the boy. 'what position did she play?
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Old 11-19-2018, 09:28 PM   #2408
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


The Official CT joke duel page-bq-5bf328fe75209.jpeg
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Old 11-20-2018, 04:55 AM   #2409
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Old 11-21-2018, 05:15 AM   #2410
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


A Yooper went to Texas to visit a distant cousin. As they were standing on the veranda the Texas says, "I could jump in my truck and drive all day and still not reach the far side of our land".

The Yooper replied, "Yah, I had a druck like dat too eyyy!?"
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Old 11-21-2018, 05:25 AM   #2411
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Quote:
Originally Posted by SmallTownGuy View Post
A Yooper went to Texas to visit a distant cousin. As they were standing on the veranda the Texas says, "I could jump in my truck and drive all day and still not reach the far side of our land".

The Yooper replied, "Yah, I had a druck like dat too eyyy!?"
Yoopers at work/play...

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Old 11-21-2018, 05:45 AM   #2412
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


...
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:39 PM   #2413
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Old 11-22-2018, 08:42 PM   #2414
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Old 11-22-2018, 08:48 PM   #2415
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Old 11-26-2018, 09:40 AM   #2416
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


New
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C..

One from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some Measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.
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Old 11-28-2018, 08:33 AM   #2417
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


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Old 11-28-2018, 05:53 PM   #2418
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


...
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Old 11-28-2018, 10:08 PM   #2419
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Re: The Official CT Joke Duel Page


Well, I tried....

Omg .. So I get home and my dog is laying on the front porch covered in mud and has a rabbit in his mouth. He's not bloody, just dirty.


Now, my neighbors raise rabbits for showing and have blue ribbon winners.
I instantly knew it was one of theirs. So I get the rabbit away from him, I take it inside, wash all the dirt off and before my neighbors got home I took it over, put him back in the cage and went back home.


Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming.... So I go outside, play it up etc..


They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.


I think they’re gonna move.....
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Old 11-28-2018, 10:11 PM   #2420
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