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Jobsite "one-liners"

 
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Old 06-26-2014, 06:04 PM   #701
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


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Originally Posted by tenon0774 View Post
Not necessarily.

My plumber and I have developed a decent relationship over the years.
He laid that line on me about another contractor he works for.

So now, it's a running joke.

My plumber sucks at returning phone calls, by the time he gets back to me his first question is "sorry, we holding you up?"
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Old 06-26-2014, 06:06 PM   #702
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


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Originally Posted by skyhook
Plumbers are the only tradespeople who can show up three days late and still walk in under a veil of palms and hosannas.
...cause when they do show up, it's usually tied to a draw.

...and as the contractor, you will "walk on hot coals" to further the project and get the draw.

Which usually means, "sponsoring" some of the plumber's work.
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Old 06-26-2014, 06:25 PM   #703
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


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Originally Posted by tenon0774 View Post

...cause when they do show up, it's usually tied to a draw.

...and as the contractor, you will "walk on hot coals" to further the project and get the draw.

Which usually means, "sponsoring" some of the plumber's work.
It's amazing what we'll do for a draw...
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Old 06-26-2014, 06:27 PM   #704
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


Not so much a one liner but on our sites one of our workers Bulgarian.. thick accent.. pretty good english. A few months back he just started adding "age" to the end of everything " 1/4" down and nailage"
"drillage"
and of course when something looks good "sexage"
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Old 06-27-2014, 07:26 PM   #705
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


A friend of mine was doing some work years ago out in Washington state or somewhere. The HO was a woman that was kind of unpleasant and was always complaining about stuff. The tile guy I guess had a really bad back at the time and he was doing some tile mid morning or so. He eventually had to lie down in the bathroom he was tiling because he was in so much pain. At that moment the HO came in and said: "Is this all you've gotten done today?" He said: "Well, me and another guy.."
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Old 06-29-2014, 04:13 PM   #706
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


A friend of mine had a real problem dropping things one day. Some time around mid morning he broke a window with his level. He just looked at me and laughed and said "I swear I could eff up hell with a rubber hammer". I laughed all day about that one.

Another time I was watching a very green operator just starting out. He was running excavator and the darn thing was rocking all over. I looked at him and told him the same thing the guy who taught me to operate told me "you've got the touch of a rapist"
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Old 06-29-2014, 06:06 PM   #707
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


A friend of mine when asked how's it going will always say

"oh, under budget and ahead of schedule" ironically since he became semi retired he'll only work T&M
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Old 06-30-2014, 10:41 PM   #708
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


This is one of my favorites.

"That guy is a real oxygen thief"
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Old 07-01-2014, 07:06 AM   #709
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


After passing gas, one of the siding guys walking by says "That's going to itch when it dries."
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Old 07-01-2014, 10:16 PM   #710
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


When someone farts my coworker says"smells like cum"
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Old 07-02-2014, 06:05 PM   #711
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


Quote:
Originally Posted by loneframer
After passing gas,
:

Classic responses:

"No chit, what'd that a$$hole say?"

"You better check your drawers."

"That sounded like it had lumps."

"Uugh; You smell like the zoo."
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Old 07-02-2014, 06:47 PM   #712
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


Not really a job site one liner but still cracked me up.

My dad likes to bust people balls... especially my little brother.

One day they were "arguing" and dad said boy I shot you out of the head of my d!ck. My little brother never skipped a beat and said I remember, it was a short trip. I still laugh when I think about it.
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Old 07-02-2014, 07:03 PM   #713
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


Heard at work by an older "gentleman" when someone complains about a crappy tool

"I wish to Christ God had given me more d!ck and less nose, but you got to work with what you got" (start bobbing your face)
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Old 07-03-2014, 05:46 PM   #714
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


This old framer I worked for was a bit of a hardarse. He didn't like guys who would take their morning business in the port o potty on the clock instead of before work. He'd write on the wall, "don't let your a s s chit you out of a job".
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Old 07-03-2014, 06:42 PM   #715
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


I read this today,

"If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong."
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Old 07-03-2014, 09:49 PM   #716
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


Not my Circus. Not my monkeys.
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Old 07-06-2014, 07:27 AM   #717
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


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Happened today. One of my former employee's listed me as a reference, BIG mistake.

I told the lady "If that kid were any slower he would be growing mold."

She laughed and said "thanks for your honesty."

FYI, if your fired... Don't list your former employer as a reference! Freggin' dumbazz
Long time ago a buddy called me and asked about a guy that listed me as a reference. I told him "He works well when your watching and steals well when your not".
If your fired for stealing from the company don't use me as a reference.
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Old 07-06-2014, 09:02 AM   #718
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


Last winter the whole company did a safety training course. Our foreman noticed one of the apprentices couldn't figure out how to get the dummy put together. He loudly exclaimed "Where's your helmet? Do your parents know you're in public?" Had the whole room in stitches.
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Old 07-06-2014, 09:19 AM   #719
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


When something is f'd up I like to say "This has to be the second worst _________ ever" or "you must be the second worst _________ ever". Then wait for the inevitable "who is the worst". Then drop the bomb- "just giving you the benefit of the doubt"
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Old 07-06-2014, 03:53 PM   #720
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Re: Jobsite "one-liners"


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"He works well when your watching and steals well when your not".

Yes... He worked for me for two years..... unfortuneately he was emplyed by me for 4 years.

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