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I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.

 
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Old 12-19-2015, 02:12 AM   #1
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I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


So I've been in this apartment for 7 years. I moved to my neighborhood when it still had a teeny tiny bit of grime left. You could get your pockets run if you worked at it.

I live across the street from the second hairiest bar in town in terms of violence. I've seen oodles of great fights. I've gotten so good at watching fights that I can pick up that slight vocal inflection that says, "I'm about to hit you." I probably know these dudes are going to fight before they do.

But anyway, back when I moved in, everything was groovy. These guys who frequented the bar knew what the deal was. If there was a problem, they'd go outside and punch each other. Awesome. Free Pay Per View UFC/WWF for me. Again, I've seen some great ones.

HOWEVER

In 2015 this ****heel douche bar opened up on my side of the street. This place is frequented by only the largest of herbs. There is constant drama. When I say drama, I mean just that. Soap Opera bull**** without the payoff.
There's a dude outside my window who has been screaming at the top of his lungs for 30 minutes now. I want to go outside and pet him like a lap dog. He looks like an excitable puppy barking up and down the block.
Dude-bro. Be cool. We know you're not gonna do ****. Why don't you go back inside and finish your Mike's Hard before your voice gets hoarse?

Gentrification.... sigh.
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Old 12-19-2015, 02:24 AM   #2
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


WTF, why don't you move????

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Old 12-19-2015, 02:32 AM   #3
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Tell me about it!

They keep closing all my favorite places around here. The "bar" that was actually just an after hours liquor store where you could get a case at 3am just sold to developers. Great, more luxury condos. I can't get drunk on luxury condos!

I mean, I could move across town to the actual bad part of town, but I'm old and fragile now. I don't know if 30+ me could hack it in another "up and coming" neighborhood.
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Old 12-19-2015, 02:39 AM   #4
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


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...but I'm old and fragile now. I don't know if 30+ me could hack it in another "up and coming" neighborhood.
30+, old an fragile....WTF you have a sex change operation or something...

I was still bouncing people out of bars at 30+...
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Old 12-19-2015, 05:53 AM   #5
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Quote:
Originally Posted by griz View Post
30+, old an fragile....WTF you have a sex change operation or something...

I was still bouncing people out of bars at 30+...

Kids these days.
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Old 12-19-2015, 06:53 AM   #6
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Easy fix. Walk outside with a bat and say, "Oh! So YOU'RE the guy that's been sleeping with my wife! I can't wait to bash your brains in!"
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Old 12-19-2015, 09:06 AM   #7
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tedanderson View Post
Easy fix. Walk outside with a bat and say, "Oh! So YOU'RE the guy that's been sleeping with my wife! I can't wait to bash your brains in!"
haha
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Old 12-19-2015, 09:12 AM   #8
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


.....maybe soon, the Free Pay Per View UFC/WWF fist fights will turn into better than 3D showings of The Gunfight At the OK Corral.....that will be exciting.
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Old 12-19-2015, 09:38 AM   #9
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


There's a dude outside my window who has been screaming at the top of his lungs for 30 minutes now. I want to go outside and pet him like a lap dog. He looks like an excitable puppy barking up and down the block.
Dude-bro. Be cool. We know you're not gonna do ****. Why don't you go back inside and finish your Mike's Hard before your voice gets hoarse?


Thanks for a great start to my day!
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Old 12-19-2015, 09:41 AM   #10
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


...
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Old 12-19-2015, 10:23 AM   #11
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.




Easy, your killing me. It took me 5 minutes to quit laughing

Im trying to be mellow, but dude if some DB was outside my house screaming at the the top of his lungs you know what is fixing to happen. Wouldnt take any 30 minutes either I dont know how you deal with that

Im still laughing
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Last edited by Jaws; 12-19-2015 at 10:29 AM.
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Old 12-19-2015, 10:42 AM   #12
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tedanderson View Post
Easy fix. Walk outside with a bat and say, "Oh! So YOU'RE the guy that's been sleeping with my wife! I can't wait to bash your brains in!"

I would guess you didn't grow up with fighting and tough guys? It is pretty hard to get the full benefit of real hickory wood flavor when you have a lot of salty blood mixing with in where you teeth used to be when you lose your grip on the bat.


30 years ago, I did witness a bartender hit a drunk like he was swinging for the fence in a baseball game. Hit the guy in the back. Broke his back. Bartender to jail for a few years. Drunk is probably still on welfare.

Bat looked ok to use after the fact.
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Old 12-19-2015, 10:46 AM   #13
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Why don't you go out and start screaming too?
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Old 12-19-2015, 01:29 PM   #14
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Shoot a few framing nails at him with your nail gun. That should send him scurrying.


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Old 12-19-2015, 02:15 PM   #15
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Dude you got more drama going on in your life than Al Bundy and Archie Bunker put together..... first off it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
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Old 12-19-2015, 03:05 PM   #16
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


I walked outside my place today and I can relate. A really mean looking pheasant was walking around, then there was a whole gang of robins, then I looked around and there was a cat sitting there just looking at me very toughly. I am so glad that there wasn't a murder of crows stalking me this morning. I couldn't have taken it.

Oh, wait. that's not the same at all.
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Old 12-19-2015, 04:19 PM   #17
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


what kind of pheasant? ring neck? in oregon?
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Old 12-19-2015, 04:40 PM   #18
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Quote:
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Easy, your killing me. It took me 5 minutes to quit laughing

Im trying to be mellow, but dude if some DB was outside my house screaming at the the top of his lungs you know what is fixing to happen. Wouldnt take any 30 minutes either I dont know how you deal with that

Im still laughing
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Old 12-19-2015, 06:11 PM   #19
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Quote:
Originally Posted by griz View Post
30+, old an fragile....WTF you have a sex change operation or something...

I was still bouncing people out of bars at 30+...
Ouch, griz!

Hey, scoff if you want. This gentrification **** is hard! I've single handedly upgraded at least 4 neighborhoods. I'm exhausted! You gotta perfectly toe the line of being hard enough to deal with getting stuck up, having your car broken into, getting bottles thrown against your building, and being part of the nightlife while still being white and nerdy enough that you ingratiate yourself to the neighborhood old ladies, are hated by the neighborhood youth to the point that they move out, and are safe enough from an outside perspective that your property values rise. Again I say, exhausting.
You know how many Colt 45's I drank in Bed Stuy, tall cans of Sparks in Bushwick, and ultimately double Americanos in Jersey City to get to the point where I'm at? Exhausting.


Lastly, I know for a fact this is someday going to happen to me. hah


https://youtu.be/0gP_rA88AbE?t=1m39s
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Old 12-19-2015, 06:16 PM   #20
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Re: I'd Like To Talk About Fighting For A Quick Second.


Go on out and tell him her is rudely interupting your online time with your man friends.

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