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Damn...Just Damn

 
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Old 04-03-2019, 07:19 PM   #21
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


I知 sorry for your loss
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Old 04-03-2019, 09:00 PM   #22
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


I want to thank everybody.

I kind of knew this was something possible. He was diagnosed as manic-depressive about 6-8 years ago.
A real struggle for his wife especially as they had both retired and had their "dream" house in NC.

I along with others friends tried like hell to pull him out of his funk when this first started. He would do nothing but lay on the couch and watch TV for months at a time.

Then he would get manic and literally not sleep for 2 weeks.

Finally around the end of 2015 he was on medication and had completely snapped out of it. Planned and threw a big 60th birthday party for his wife. Great fun for all and celebration for him as well as her.


Then 2016 his wife calls us and says he is off his medication. This she had to have him locked up because he was threatening her.

They had put their house up for sale and their marriage was pretty much done. They had a buyer but he refused to sign the contract. The house was just about to go into foreclosure and his wife was in a panic. I contacted a fellow CT member who had posted about buying property in their town and offered to set up a deal for her to get out of the mortgage with her credit intact and CT member to get one heck of deal on nice property. The deal ultimately didn't happen but she managed to get the mortgage company off her back long enough to find another buyer. Because he was so messed up they had to basically have him declared incompetent so that she didn't need his signature for the deal.

At this point they were packing up and a buyer he had for his JD tractor suddenly didn't have the money for it so I told him I would buy it and come down and get it in time for them to moved out for closing.

This is when things really went to hell in a hand basket. We were about 1 1/2hrs away and his wife called in panic saying he had threatened to kill her again and then he was going to kill himself. He had cut his hands up, there was broken glasses all over the kitchen. I told her we would meet her before we went to the house. She was hysterical as you can imagine.

When I got to the house there he was all bloody. He was ranting and raving that he was locked out of the house and he had to load his stuff. None of his friends from down there showed up to help him load his stuff.

I told him I was going to load the tractor and I would then help him load all his stuff. A couple hours later his wife came home and he started all over. He's got a knife in his hand and I got him out the front door. We are standing and he has that clenched in his hand and he starts going off on me. He keeps coming closer and closer and I just stood there and planted my feet.
The closer he got the more I just stared him down. He got within about a foot of my face and he's got that knife clenched in his fist and I swear my staredown on him was enough to burn holes right through his eyes.
All I could think was "God, if he has just one brain cell firing normal let it be one that remembers I'm his friend". I thought I just might get gutted but I never once blinked as I stared right into his eyes and never flinched.

He took the knife and then threw it in the ground.

I just said to him "Do you feel better after all that? Now help me load this POD".

My wife came out and asked me what happened.

"Nothing. Nothing at all". I never told her what really happened.
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Old 04-03-2019, 09:08 PM   #23
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Really upsetting was he was my best man at my wedding.
I had to call another friend today and break the news to him. He had been best man at his wedding too.

Now my friend in is in FL and has Parkinson disease so he is having his own bad time. I hated to have to tell him, but the three of us had really been tight.
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Old 04-03-2019, 09:15 PM   #24
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


man that sucks, good friends are hard to come by and even harder to lose
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Old 04-03-2019, 09:40 PM   #25
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


I have (had) four good friends each 30-40 years.
Lost the first one almost four years ago. Now this one. Another with Parkinson's that isn't well.

Will only be one left.

Getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative.
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Old 04-03-2019, 10:45 PM   #26
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


I hope it's helpful to you to say this stuff out loud like this.
Say whatever you want, man. Seeing friends on hard times is the worst. I always get stuck in this loop of remembering when it was good then mentally walking down every potential path that could have been. I don't know if that's a good thing to be doing, but it's what I do. I can empathize with your situation here.
I'm sorry to hear about your buddy.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:13 PM   #27
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Quote:
Originally Posted by TimNJ View Post
I want to thank everybody.

I kind of knew this was something possible. He was diagnosed as manic-depressive about 6-8 years ago.
A real struggle for his wife especially as they had both retired and had their "dream" house in NC.

I along with others friends tried like hell to pull him out of his funk when this first started. He would do nothing but lay on the couch and watch TV for months at a time.

Then he would get manic and literally not sleep for 2 weeks.

Finally around the end of 2015 he was on medication and had completely snapped out of it. Planned and threw a big 60th birthday party for his wife. Great fun for all and celebration for him as well as her.


Then 2016 his wife calls us and says he is off his medication. This she had to have him locked up because he was threatening her.

They had put their house up for sale and their marriage was pretty much done. They had a buyer but he refused to sign the contract. The house was just about to go into foreclosure and his wife was in a panic. I contacted a fellow CT member who had posted about buying property in their town and offered to set up a deal for her to get out of the mortgage with her credit intact and CT member to get one heck of deal on nice property. The deal ultimately didn't happen but she managed to get the mortgage company off her back long enough to find another buyer. Because he was so messed up they had to basically have him declared incompetent so that she didn't need his signature for the deal.

At this point they were packing up and a buyer he had for his JD tractor suddenly didn't have the money for it so I told him I would buy it and come down and get it in time for them to moved out for closing.

This is when things really went to hell in a hand basket. We were about 1 1/2hrs away and his wife called in panic saying he had threatened to kill her again and then he was going to kill himself. He had cut his hands up, there was broken glasses all over the kitchen. I told her we would meet her before we went to the house. She was hysterical as you can imagine.

When I got to the house there he was all bloody. He was ranting and raving that he was locked out of the house and he had to load his stuff. None of his friends from down there showed up to help him load his stuff.

I told him I was going to load the tractor and I would then help him load all his stuff. A couple hours later his wife came home and he started all over. He's got a knife in his hand and I got him out the front door. We are standing and he has that clenched in his hand and he starts going off on me. He keeps coming closer and closer and I just stood there and planted my feet.
The closer he got the more I just stared him down. He got within about a foot of my face and he's got that knife clenched in his fist and I swear my staredown on him was enough to burn holes right through his eyes.
All I could think was "God, if he has just one brain cell firing normal let it be one that remembers I'm his friend". I thought I just might get gutted but I never once blinked as I stared right into his eyes and never flinched.

He took the knife and then threw it in the ground.

I just said to him "Do you feel better after all that? Now help me load this POD".

My wife came out and asked me what happened.

"Nothing. Nothing at all". I never told her what really happened.
An example of a true friend right there... you were lucky to have each other all those years...
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Old 04-04-2019, 06:21 AM   #28
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Quote:
Originally Posted by Easy Gibson View Post
I hope it's helpful to you to say this stuff out loud like this.
Say whatever you want, man. Seeing friends on hard times is the worst. I always get stuck in this loop of remembering when it was good then mentally walking down every potential path that could have been. I don't know if that's a good thing to be doing, but it's what I do. I can empathize with your situation here.
I'm sorry to hear about your buddy.
Thanks.
Get all that off my chest above helped.
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Old 04-04-2019, 09:37 AM   #29
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Damn I'm sorry, Tim. That's terrible

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Old 04-04-2019, 10:10 AM   #30
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Talk about a true friend. The curse of mental illness can be so devastating. That's an incredible thing you went through, can't imagine having someone who's manic being so close to me with a knife, or without one for that matter.

I guess a silver lining is he didn't cut on you and didn't hurt anyone else. Was he always manic depressive or did it manifest itself later in life?
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Old 04-04-2019, 03:18 PM   #31
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


So Sorry Tim. Friends hurt just as much as family.
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Old 04-05-2019, 09:59 AM   #32
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rio View Post
Talk about a true friend. The curse of mental illness can be so devastating. That's an incredible thing you went through, can't imagine having someone who's manic being so close to me with a knife, or without one for that matter.

I guess a silver lining is he didn't cut on you and didn't hurt anyone else. Was he always manic depressive or did it manifest itself later in life?

After he retired it kind of came on slow.
We have talked about it and it seems maybe working was what kept things in check??

Although before that he really didn't show any obvious signs that something was wrong.

Arrangements set up now. Sunday afternoon/evening for visitation service, but funeral Tuesday. Sorta odd set up.
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Old 04-05-2019, 10:35 AM   #33
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Quote:
Originally Posted by TimNJ View Post
After he retired it kind of came on slow.

We have talked about it and it seems maybe working was what kept things in check??



Although before that he really didn't show any obvious signs that something was wrong.



Arrangements set up now. Sunday afternoon/evening for visitation service, but funeral Tuesday. Sorta odd set up.
Sorry to hear about your friend.

I would have to agree with you about work keeping the mental illness at bay.

I have had two relatives take their own lives.

One of them, a cousin, was drugs, the other was an uncle by marriage.
He was a heavy equip operator for years, developed back problems, and had to go on disability.

After a few years, of just bumming around not really doing anything, he started struggling with horrible depression, and finally ended it.

At the time, my dad thought if my uncle would have just found something else to keep busy with, he would have been ok. Who knows, but observing people over the years, it sure seems that way.

Condolences to you and his family.

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Old 04-05-2019, 10:55 AM   #34
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Mental illness is a horrible disease. I spent 20 hours a day in bed for over 3 1/2 years straight in a dark room. Thought about ending it every single day.

Consider myself lucky I got out of it alive. The thought of destroying my mother was enough for me to absorb the pain and continue to fight. Maybe one day I値l share more. I try to use my experience to help others when I hear they are going through a rough time.

Once again my condolences.


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Old 04-05-2019, 09:16 PM   #35
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgutterguy View Post
Mental illness is a horrible disease. I spent 20 hours a day in bed for over 3 1/2 years straight in a dark room. Thought about ending it every single day.

Consider myself lucky I got out of it alive. The thought of destroying my mother was enough for me to absorb the pain and continue to fight. Maybe one day I値l share more. I try to use my experience to help others when I hear they are going through a rough time.

Once again my condolences.


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That sounds like my friend when he really went deep downer. Same thing. He would stay on the couch for a couple years.

Then when he got manic he was up for weeks at a time.
His wife told me she would be sleeping in bed and wake up in the middle of the night and he would be leaning over her about a foot away from her face and just staring at her. Totally freaked her out and she started sleeping in another room and locking the door.
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Old 04-10-2019, 04:32 PM   #36
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Came back from Pittsburgh last night. Many tears flowed yesterday.
After talking to his son, it appears he was planning this for a while.

He told me when he was going through his dad's stuff, his dad had left all these lists, etc. for all the things he was going to have to take care of, and where to find other things, once he was gone.


He even got himself a nice place. Jefferson Memorial Park in West Mifflin.
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Old 04-10-2019, 05:57 PM   #37
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Sorry to hear that! My condolences. Nothing like to lose a good friend or family.
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Old 04-10-2019, 06:45 PM   #38
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Re: Damn...Just Damn


Sorry for your loss.

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