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What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)

 
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:29 PM   #21
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Many moons ago,was building a couple of spec. homes in this high end weekend / resort area near lake Michigan. This crazy old German broad who happens to be a very high end jewelry designer / goldsmith buys a lot and plans to build a spec. house and be the GC. The area was crawling with good tradesmen,so she goes around and grabs them up sorta piecemeal. She lived in Germany during the war and was nicknamed "The Fuhrer" by the guys for her demeanor. Her house was called the "Bunker" ugly as sin,modernist design with very few windows. Anyway,any screw ups were never ever her fault,no matter what. So one day,a bunch of us were going thru the punch list. Her husband who was a prince of a fella was there. She stops at lumber yard and buys some screws and has him screwing down who knows what on second floor bedroom floor,directly above living room. The house was modern post and beam with the 2 " floor boards being the ceiling below. So her husband is at it all morning long screwing away,she is puttering away outside with plants. Around lunch,she comes in and goes bonkers,there are many hundreds of shiny 1 .5' screw tips sticking out of living room ceiling. Her husband says "these are the screws you gave me,just following orders". Bottom line,it was all his fault.
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Old 05-12-2019, 09:24 PM   #22
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Back in college I used to own a residential window cleaning business.

Show up one morning with the crew to a nice house. Knock on the door at 9 sharp for our appointment. No answer. Ring the bell. No answer. Was a regular customer of ours twice a year, so I know she knew the drill.

I head around to the back sliding door and knock. No answer. Press my face up against the glass, about to give up, when I see her run stark naked across the room to her bedroom. Take the boys back around the front, and wait for her to open the door. No words exchanged. Finish the job, moved on.

Cut to four or five years later and I'm called for jury duty. I get called up to the box to answer the questions, and in walks the lady. She's the assistant prosecutor for my county. Judge asks if I have any relationship or prior contact with either the prosecutor or the defense. I look at her in this tailored blouse and high heels, look around at the 150 well dressed folks in the room, chuckle quietly and say "Yes.... She used to be a customer of mine"
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Old 05-12-2019, 09:45 PM   #23
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank Castle View Post
Yeah, when you show up to a job in the nude, you tend to remember it.
Only once were my pants removed without the other person's consent I was 19 she was probably in her 80's.
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Old 05-13-2019, 01:38 AM   #24
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Back when I was green I logged timber with my brother. We had one client that was a ****show from start to finish.
We pulled out a lot of full length timber and things were going great.

I stopped by their house to let them know we would be shut down for the rain and the guy is gone but his wife comes to the door. She is drinking as per usual. She was late 50's and asked me to come inside.


I said "No I gotta get back to work."
She says "I am a massage therapist and I can relieve some of your... Stress."

I was pretty much caught aback and I said, "No thanks, I am good I really have to get back to work."

"She says "yes you could do that... But then there would be no sex and brandy."

At this point I was lost...
I just turned around and walked away. It would continue the rest of the job though.

Few days later a farmer, that had planted the pasture he rented from them, decides he is going to tell us we cant use the road across the pasture we used from day one.

So he comes up yelling about it to my brother. This was back when my brother was a hurricane. He had a four county wide reputation as the guy you do not f with unless you want to go to the hospital.
He knocked out more people than ether.

The farmer knew this but didnt quite understand the hair trigger. My brother is pulling out for the day and here the farmer comes. Brother doesnt say a word for a minute.

Farmer says we will pay for every seed we destroy.

Brother says "I have a $50k deed to timber and I think I am gonna put some curves in the road across the field, you fat little b****."

Farmer says "let me tell you something!"

Brother opens the door and says "Oh you are gonna tell me some s***?"
He starts after the farmer at a steady walk who peddles backwards and trips twice.

Farmer got on his fourwheeler and we never heard from him again.

Owners wife walks by hitting on us every day down our logging road. The guy is about 4 logs shy of a load. Always talking about divorcing her when he isn't thousand yard staring and making the conversation awkward.

We hired our uncle during this job and he didn't show for a couple days and I fired him right before christmas. I hated that. It made me feel cursed and useless.

Finally get done and we did so good we give the guy a bonus of $3500 just because we wanted him to get something extra since we did so well.
We put it in the mailbox with a note (check was postdated) that said not to deposit it because the funds from the sawmill wont be in the account until friday. We expected a big smiley phone call in gratitude.

We were at my brothers house the next day and here comes the guy and his wife.
"This check wont cash!"

Apparently the guys drunk wife had gave him the check and he tried to cash it. Either not realizing there was the note or she witheld the info on purpose. That or idk... I still have no idea how it got so confusing to them and how they suddenly felt immediate entitlement to money that was a gift.

Mind you... This is bonus money!

So my brother says to the guy give me the check and I will give you cash, just sign this finalization saying all monies owed have been paid. Guy hands him the check, signs the paper.

Brother goes and gets his cash and counted it out in front of the guy and then stuck it back in his own pocket.

"Now get the f*** off my porch before I break your neck."

The guy did. Never saw him again.
Never saw a job so lucrative be such a freakin mess.

Btw... Brother is now about 50% scar tissue and an opiate addict that couldn't carry the left nut of the man he used to be. I haven't spoken to him in a couple years and have no intentions of doing so in this lifetime. I like to remember what he was though.

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Old 05-13-2019, 10:38 AM   #25
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Somewhere at the beginning of December 1980,get a call from a woman who says she needs two windows and a few brick taken out and replaced in one day so the piano company can get her new piano in her condo. Turns out ,it is the top condo penthouse on an old magnificent 26 story building built on Lake Shore drive in early 1900,s. Were talking 6,000 sq. ft. condo two fireplaces 12 ' ceilings,a real palace.

I said to her,you don't own the outside walls,did you get condo board approval. She tells me her husband is board president. So we go at it set up swing stage,piano company installs cantilevered steel beam and counter weights on roof electric hoist all nine yards. Me and one of my guys pull the windows and brickwork from swing stage,piano company hoists huge crate made from rough sawn 2'" oak held together with huge threaded rods.

While were putting the finishing touches on the exterior,the lady come over and asks,do we do tile work.I said sure,she says great,I'll call you,and by the way,me and my husband are stepping out,the check is on the hutch by the front door. So,as we are heading out,there sits a blank check with a thank you note saying fill in the amount. Being fair,don't gouge the lady but it was not a cheap fix.


A week or so later,get the call about the floor tile,stop over,she wants snow white marble with snow white grout. She says,emphatically,has to be done before New Years,having a huge party. So,we attack the job and miraculously,finish the day before New Years eve. Again,another blank check and a very happy customer.However,just before we install the grout,I ask are you sure you want snow white grout,it can stain easily. She says how so,first thing pops into my mind is beet juice. She says,in over 40 yrs. of marriage,never spilled a drop of beet juice,I want the snow white.

So snow white it is. Mid afternoon New Years day,phone rings,it's her,she said at the party,she dropped a jar of beets,shatters and huge sections of grout are stained,you put a hex on me.Thought she was kidding,she was not.

She said,I can't bare to look at the stained grout,you have to come over right now and fix it. So call one of the guys and tell them emergency job you get emergency pay. He said sure,we go there,visqueen ,grinders and grout in hand. Half way thru,We have to run,check is on hutch by door. Heading out the door,sure enough,there is a blank check with note saying,even though you put a hex on me,I do appreciate the service. Needless to say,the bill reflected the "emergency Holiday pay ". Couple days later,get a envelope in the mail from her along with a check for an additional $ 500 ,she said I shorted myself and did not charge "holiday " pay.


A few years later,get a call from a guy who said he bought the lady's condo and needed some odds and ends done. Turns out,the guy is Levi Strauss the 2 ND , 3 RD or some such number. Yeah,the guy from the blue Jean company. You better believe I never wore my Carhart pants on his job site.


By the way,while doing the grout,ask the lady to bang out a tune on her magnificent big black baby grand piano. She laughs and said neither she or her husband know a thing about a piano,she said she just always liked the way they looked.
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:46 AM   #26
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Quote:
Originally Posted by fjn View Post
Somewhere at the beginning of December 1980,get a call from a woman who says she needs two windows and a few brick taken out and replaced in one day so the piano company can get her new piano in her condo. Turns out ,it is the top condo penthouse on an old magnificent 26 story building built on Lake Shore drive in early 1900,s. Were talking 6,000 sq. ft. condo two fireplaces 12 ' ceilings,a real palace.



I said to her,you don't own the outside walls,did you get condo board approval. She tells me her husband is board president. So we go at it set up swing stage,piano company installs cantilevered steel beam and counter weights on roof electric hoist all nine yards. Me and one of my guys pull the windows and brickwork from swing stage,piano company hoists huge crate made from rough sawn 2'" oak held together with huge threaded rods.



While were putting the finishing touches on the exterior,the lady come over and asks,do we do tile work.I said sure,she says great,I'll call you,and by the way,me and my husband are stepping out,the check is on the hutch by the front door. So,as we are heading out,there sits a blank check with a thank you note saying fill in the amount. Being fair,don't gouge the lady but it was not a cheap fix.





A week or so later,get the call about the floor tile,stop over,she wants snow white marble with snow white grout. She says,emphatically,has to be done before New Years,having a huge party. So,we attack the job and miraculously,finish the day before New Years eve. Again,another blank check and a very happy customer.However,just before we install the grout,I ask are you sure you want snow white grout,it can stain easily. She says how so,first thing pops into my mind is beet juice. She says,in over 40 yrs. of marriage,never spilled a drop of beet juice,I want the snow white.



So snow white it is. Mid afternoon New Years day,phone rings,it's her,she said at the party,she dropped a jar of beets,shatters and huge sections of grout are stained,you put a hex on me.Thought she was kidding,she was not.



She said,I can't bare to look at the stained grout,you have to come over right now and fix it. So call one of the guys and tell them emergency job you get emergency pay. He said sure,we go there,visqueen ,grinders and grout in hand. Half way thru,We have to run,check is on hutch by door. Heading out the door,sure enough,there is a blank check with note saying,even though you put a hex on me,I do appreciate the service. Needless to say,the bill reflected the "emergency Holiday pay ". Couple days later,get a envelope in the mail from her along with a check for an additional $ 500 ,she said I shorted myself and did not charge "holiday " pay.





A few years later,get a call from a guy who said he bought the lady's condo and needed some odds and ends done. Turns out,the guy is Levi Strauss the 2 ND , 3 RD or some such number. Yeah,the guy from the blue Jean company. You better believe I never wore my Carhart pants on his job site.





By the way,while doing the grout,ask the lady to bang out a tune on her magnificent big black baby grand piano. She laughs and said neither she or her husband know a thing about a piano,she said she just always liked the way they looked.
What an awesome customer!


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Old 05-13-2019, 11:02 AM   #27
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


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What an awesome customer!


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You are not kidding ! That woman will stay in my mind if I live to 100 !
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Old 05-13-2019, 11:49 AM   #28
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Another story about the "Fuhrer" ,yeah the crazy old German broad who was the high end jewelry designer. So she has this shop in the super high end business district of Chicago,called "The Magnificent Mile". One Saturday,long before cellular telephones,she tells her husband she will take the train out,after work,pick me up at the " shops" at so and so time. This was her first time ever taking the train and she tells her husband she will do a couple of hours of shopping at the "shops" but be sure to pick me up at the appointed time.


Well,she rides the train and arrives at the "shops" with two hours set aside to shop. As it turns out,the "shops" listed on the train schedule were not shopping shops but the round house.She had to sit in the round house for two hours waiting for her husband to pick her up.

When he gets there,she is madder than a wet hen. Guess who's fault it was..........you guessed it,her husband's ,remember,she was the old broad who was never wrong.

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