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What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)

 
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Old 05-08-2019, 01:27 PM   #1
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What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I've met some characters over the years.

One that I'll always remember is; A women was passing by and asked me for a business card, I gave her one and as she was leaving she said coyly.. "it's not for me, I'm getting you for my sister for her birthday"?

Anyway about 2 weeks later I got a voice mail, in a sexy voice the caller said "Hi, I'm Jennifer, my sister got you for me for my birthday, call me" WTF?
So I called and set up a time to go over and do some punch list jobs she had for me.
When I got there, she was hot, but maybe looked like she'd had some hard times. Dressed in the kind of red dress you might wear if going to a dinner party. Apartment was nice, classy part of town.

So I was working away when she put her head around the door and said "Vancouver Dave... can I ask you something" ??

I was thinking, hmm, OK this'll be interesting.

But I was surprised when she asked if she could photograph me while I was working!!

I was like... 'sure, no problem' So she did and I ended the punch list and left, thinking that was a different day.

A funny twist to it was that I was out with some friends and bumped into a friend of a friend.

She works in the arts as did the customer who took the pictures.

She said to me " Vancouver Dave, my boss at work, she has pictures of you pinned up on her office wall! and your working, what is that about"?

I said to her "yeah! I know who your boss is!, she's the crazy photographer"
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Old 05-08-2019, 01:39 PM   #2
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Can't tell mine here lol

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Old 05-08-2019, 02:35 PM   #3
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Oh, I've got "Crazy Lady" types covered.

Loud, threatening, relentless, stalker types, yeah well-covered.

Like Tipi, but knows how to game the system (she thinks).
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Old 05-08-2019, 04:02 PM   #4
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaws View Post
Can't tell mine here lol

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Old 05-08-2019, 05:31 PM   #5
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I received a call from a police officer from one of the towns. They were calling all contractors who had worked at this woman's house in recent months to determine who, get this..... might have snuck in and installed toilet fresheners into her toilets in the middle of the night. She had awaken and swore they weren't there when she went to bed, so she thought somebody with a key might have done it while she was sleeping.

The officer was about to put me on the line with her, and I said "please don't" and asked him to call me out of earshot of her. He did, and I explained that I had problems with her before and had written a "do not contact me", etc. He then admitted that "she seems to need help" and would take it a different route.
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Old 05-08-2019, 07:13 PM   #6
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Was working on a remodel, R & R a bathroom vent/fan and during demo, I pulled a muscle in my leg. Personal assistant that was in the home working doing something near me, heard me complain to myself, and she said "I can massage that for you if you want"
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Old 05-08-2019, 11:36 PM   #7
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I had a lady who didnít pay me a bit over $500 for a couple items performed the week they took possession of a house.

After a month I emailed another invoice, thinking she lost it.

The summer turned into fall, and then winter.

I hand delivered an invoice. Iím sure the only reason she opened the door was because she didnít recognize me.

She said she would mail a check.

As I drove away, I wondered if she just lied to my face.

A month later, I stopped by with another invoice and met the ďbabysitter.Ē I think it was her mom. I explained the situation and advised her to make sure she got paid.

The next month saw an invoice blue taped to the front door.

The next month I rang the bell and heard someone inside. I think it was a kid, but nobody answered.

That invoice got duct taped to the driver side window of the car in the driveway. The cheap duct tape that separates when you rub it in and then try to remove it.

As I was getting ready to leave, I saw the husband pull up. Oh great I thought, the person inside got spooked and called for reinforcements.

I told him what was up. He was apologetic, claiming wife does all the bills. He went inside to cut a check. I went to pull the invoice off the window. He didnít notice the paper on the way in the house, but Iím sure the tape residue was a pain to get off.

He came out with a check and apologized again.


Then he asked if I do remodeling!

I kept a straight face (barely) and said no, not really my specialty.

It was 11 months for payment.




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Old 05-09-2019, 06:33 AM   #8
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I have been in construction more than 40 years, I could write a book on crazy people. Been inside thousands of apartments and houses.

I looked at a house that the lady said needed some doors replaced. When I got there the outside looked fine, but the inside was another story. She just got divorced, she got the house and when she came back from work one day realized he came back.

In the entire house every single ceramic tile was broken, not smashed just broken. Same with every plumbing fixture, he took a ball peen hammer and popped a hole in them from the outside where they are double walled. Scratched the tub and all the mirrors and windows with a glass cutter, drilled a 3" hole through every door, drilled a 1" hole through every cabinet door where the panel met the stile or rail, drilled through the face frames. drilled a hole through the dishwasher, fridge and range. Drilled a hole through the sink which she covered with tape.

Then in black spray paint through out the house he wrote terrible things about her on just about every wall. She had been living with this for almost a year when I saw it.

She had no money to fix it all so she sold it as is, then moved to Florida.
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:18 AM   #9
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I'm with RRK, been doing this for 40 years plus and seen a bunch of funny and not so funny HO's.
One that stands out is when I was a 18 year old newb I got sent to a house to some odds and ends, I was told no one was home. I get there, find the key, now keep in mind this house is in the sticks and quite private, and walk on in. There on the back deck was a beautiful young lady stark naked laying on a chase lounge
We struck up a conversation and she got up, got dressed and disappeared

I did a job for a lady that wrote books about cats, she had an abyssinian, that SOB jumped from the floor up into a 9" hole in the ceiling for a range hood vent, we had a time getting it back out.

Same lady had a studio and a tiny little woodstove, she would pay me to cut firewood for it, about 4-6" long and not much bigger than a broom handle.

I could go on forever.
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:53 AM   #10
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I had one yesterday. Now all of you know I am a GC, and I haven't put bags on in years, and I have never done handyman stuff...ever.

A lady in our little town was driving down the street and past our new home addition...she sees me and one of my guys hanging the new front door on a spec home....she stops, honks her horn, and asks me for a card.....I am in hurry, tell my gopher to get one from my truck (assuming she may be looking for a builder) and get back to it....

Later, that same afternoon, she calls....says she needs a new door installed on her house....and I say politely, I don't do that kind of work and tell her to call the lumber yard in town, they will refer a guy that does that kind of work...and she says " I SAW YOU, YOU WERE INSTALLING A DOOR ON A HOUSE, YOU GAVE ME A CARD, WHY DO YOU NOT WANT TO WORK FOR ME? IS MY MONEY NOT GREEN? !!!!" I am kind of taken aback...and tell her "lady, I own those homes you drove by, I am the builder, and I do many of the small tasks, like installing the exterior doors and so on"....she pretends she didn't hear me...."Ii AM CALLING THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU, YOU ARE SOME KIND OF FRAUD, YOUR CARD SAYS YOU ARE A CONTRACTOR, AND I NEED A CONTRACTOR!" Again, I tell her I am not the guy she is looking for.....and she starts again, and I just hang up...forget about it.

Last night, 8 pm....my wife and I are watching TV, and I get a call...same number, and a guy says I understand you were rude to my wife!....so we have a problem!

I can't help it...I start laughing......and he is going off.....sounds like me in reverse actually....and then I tell him....I don't know you, or your wife, but......I will tell you what hoss....if you really think we have a problem....you and I, I will hook up with you tomorrow to discuss it....and he hangs up.
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:57 AM   #11
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I once drywalled a cat in under a bathtub
9pm I get a phone call saying cat is missing and hearing meowing from under the tub
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:19 PM   #12
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


About 20 years back, I did a job for an old guy, he must have been in his mid 70's and his wife was quite a bit younger.

She was probably a child of the thalidomide era as unfortunately for her one of her hands was just on a short limb from her shoulder.

The old guy was acting as the GC and he had some kind of insomnia and I would guess dementia.

He wouldn't sleep all night he said, and would stick notes on everyones work telling them what they'd 'done wrong'

The plumber got pissed off first and wanted paying, but the old man wouldn't. They started to argue and the old man blew up and punched the plumber in the face.

Plumber just laughed and said I how he could kick the old mans [email protected]

I should have left then but had a fair bit owed to me. So couple of days later I got into an argument with him too.

He was blowing up on me too, and his wife grabbed him around the neck with her good arm to restrain him. But he turned around and started to wrestle with her, she in turn then started to smack him in the face with her hand on the small arm and they fell onto the kitchen table wrestling each other.

It was a side by side duplex and they lived in one side, and were renovating the other side. So I went back into the reno'd side, wondering what do I do as all my tools were in there and he owed me money.

So i called the cops and said to the operator, "look, don't laugh but there's a 70 odd year old man threatening me with violence and his wife is slapping him in the kitchen next door. He owns me money and I'm not sure what to do"

So she started laughing and said "can you get him on the phone"

So I told him cops are on the phone and you'd better speak to em...

He took my cell phone and put it to his ear, looked me right in the eye and said to the 911 operator "this carpenter guy is crazy, he could lick the skin off a bull and says he's scared of me, he thinks he saw me hit the plumber, I think he's hallucinating or something"

That $#@ cheeky old bast#$%d

I packed up and left, no money but happy to get away.

Last edited by vancouver dave; 05-09-2019 at 09:22 PM.
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:33 PM   #13
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Over 40 years most of my experiences involve nudity they also happen to be the only ones I remember.
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:36 PM   #14
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Quote:
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Over 40 years most of my experiences involve nudity they also happen to be the only ones I remember.
Let's hear em...

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Old 05-09-2019, 11:11 PM   #15
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


So I was building a deck for an 88 year old buzzard, we were taking and I told him I was very anal. I asked him if he knew what it meant to be anal. As he walked away he grumbled "yeah it means you're an asshole ".

I also told him his deck needs to be built to last at least 25 years. He held up 4 fingers and said, "4 years it only needs to last 4 more years".


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Old 05-10-2019, 12:29 AM   #16
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Quote:
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Over 40 years most of my experiences involve nudity they also happen to be the only ones I remember.
Yeah, when you show up to a job in the nude, you tend to remember it.
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Old 05-10-2019, 12:59 AM   #17
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


I got an emergency call on a tree that uprooted and was on a power service.
It was a rental home and the owner said he was out of town and couldn't be there until 4:30 pm the next day.

Well, I broke my golden rule.
I cut the tree off the line with no signed paperwork in the middle of the night. The tenant said the tree had been uprooting for a month and chewed the guys butt, so I guess he decided it was warranting of an emergency call.
I came back the next day to haul it away and get paid. The guy calls and says "I can't be there. I will get with you later on."

I said, "No you will do what you said. I can't believe you wanted all six of these trees cut down and just left like this."

I listened long enough for him to say, "YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO CUT THE ONE..."

I hung up and let him call 4 or 5 times. When I answered I said "You sure you want to mess me around?"

Lmao he was there one hour later with cash.

I have dealt with one that was actually insane and pretended to be blind but somehow forgot she was pretending and let the cat out of the bag. I honestly do feel bad for her so I won't go there.
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Old 05-10-2019, 01:04 AM   #18
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


Quote:
Originally Posted by rrk View Post
I once drywalled a cat in under a bathtub
9pm I get a phone call saying cat is missing and hearing meowing from under the tub
Lmao that's priceless!
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Old 05-11-2019, 08:14 AM   #19
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


i had a lady who wanted wireless under cabinet lighting but she did not want the to run on batteries either. Tried telling her that there was no other way to power them as solar under cabinet lighting did not exist yet ... lol
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Old 05-11-2019, 08:49 AM   #20
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Re: What's Your Funniest/crazy Client Story? (just For Fun)


This was more on me than the client.

A while back I get a call there is a deck under construction and the guy is screwing everything up and things don't look right. I need someone to take over the job and fix/complete the project.

I ask my brother to take a ride with me to look at the job, it was Monday after a long weekend had a little hangover we going to look at the job.

We stop get some coffee on the way everything is good, we get there go in the back yard before I rang the bell to look at the deck... The deck is done with furniture on it... Yes, there was a s^*t load of flaws in it, you can tell it was hacked up, the girder is out of level, stairs messed up, etc.

The sliding door opens, the older guy of Indian decent comes out on the deck, he doesn't speak English too good he explains not in so many words the son is not home, I give him my card and tell him to call him to let him know we're here.
He puts his son on the phone I tell him I inspected his deck and that he has a s^*t load of issues with his deck. He goes I will be right there, he is at the gym nearby.
We sit down on the deck, drinking coffee, I get a call, the guy on the phone asking me if I'm coming or not... Not giving much of a thought I tell him I'm already here in the back yard... he goes I'll be right out. OK
Two min later another call, I'm in my back yard and I don't see you. I'm like WTF, I go around the house and I look for him and I can't find him. I get my phone and punch the address in my navigation and it shows the house is around the corner.
I ring the bell and tell the guy we at the wrong address and if the son wants to fix his deck to call me.
I guess it was one of those la-la-land moments when I pulled in into the right house number but the wrong street.

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