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Old 02-24-2009, 01:56 PM   #1
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Redneck Contractor Exam


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A) '66 Ford Fairlane
B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
C) '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns an Arkansas house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?

For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?
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Old 02-24-2009, 02:07 PM   #2
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


Quote:
Originally Posted by casey344 View Post
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
I guess I fail because I have no idea what a "persimmon tree" even is.


All these redneck posts remind me of a game:




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Old 02-24-2009, 02:09 PM   #3
 
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


What is this attack on poor white people today?
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Old 02-24-2009, 02:21 PM   #4
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdat View Post
What is this attack on poor white people today?
Why should only rich white people have a special day?


BTW, you're welcome cracka'

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Old 02-24-2009, 02:24 PM   #5
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdat View Post
What is this attack on poor white people today?

I guess so..... I didn't understand half the questions so I just put down true for the answers!
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Old 02-24-2009, 02:30 PM   #6
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdat View Post
What is this attack on poor white people today?
You Might be a Michigander......

...If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.

...If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.

...If your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).

...If snow tires come standard on all your cars.

...If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.

...If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

...If you can identify an Ohio accent.

...If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.

...If you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.

...If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.

...If you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up.

...If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.

...If someone aks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor".

...If "Down South" to you means Toledo.

...If you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.

...If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.

...If traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.

...If you think "going up north" would be a great vacation....in January.

...If you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers".

...If the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceasar's and Hungry Howie's.

...If a Big Mac is something you can drive across.

...If you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.

...If you had to get a passport to go to Ohio.

...If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.

...If your kid's baseball and softball games have ever been snowed out.

...If the trees in your backyard have spigots.

...If you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.

...If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".

...If you know what a pastie is.

...If you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

...If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus.

...If you have a favorite hockey team.

...If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.

...If you know how to play Euchre.
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Old 02-25-2009, 12:12 AM   #7
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


That still'd need four Cockshutt radiators or only three off'a some old Olivers. If'n ya could git yerself an Minneapolis Moline Diesel radiator, ya'd only need the one. Now then, if ya could steal the one outta yer Uncle Jim-Bob's Peterbuilt while he's sleepin' one off, ya could build a bigger still!
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Old 02-25-2009, 09:17 AM   #8
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


You left out a key question. Is it faster to new york by day or by plane ?
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Old 02-25-2009, 11:28 AM   #9
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


Did you brown bag it or bring your lunch?

Did you drive to work or take your car?

What's your name again Casey?
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Old 02-25-2009, 12:39 PM   #10
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


I was born and raised in Chicago but own a home in Oklahoma city now,so I can relate to both lists.Thanks for the chuckle guys!
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Old 02-25-2009, 09:14 PM   #11
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 1/2" if he is no further than 2" from base of limb.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A) '66 Ford Fairlane
B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
C) '64 Pontiac GTO

none of the above the answer would be E) Dodge


3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

3 car size radiators or 1 skidder radiator

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

I'm still working on that one , I want to make sure I don't go in the hole.


5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

I don't know but there goes all the Budwieser tall-boys I bought for #4


6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
2 redbones , 1 bluetick , and 3 black and tans

7. A man owns an Arkansas house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
Easy


8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?

3

For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

Bonus ques.- 1 That was BillyJoe,he's always been a neat freak.


9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

None,it would be 1 tube of copenhagen


10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

I don,t know but I'm 3rd generation and my right leg is 3/4" longer than my left.

whew!

Well did I pass?

Last edited by catawba; 02-25-2009 at 09:37 PM.
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Old 02-26-2009, 05:14 AM   #12
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


Quote:
Originally Posted by Bkessler View Post
You Might be a Michigander......





...If you can identify an Ohio accent.




...If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".
Hmmm, I didn't know we had an Ohio accent.....

and around here, carbonated soft drinks are called "pop" as well
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Old 02-26-2009, 09:34 AM   #13
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Re: Redneck Contractor Exam


You do, at least my cousins from columbus did.

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