Attention: Mr. Contractor

woodmagman

Some of you may have received this letter and were unable to help, I thought I would pass this one so that if you do recieve it you are informed that others have declined or failed......
Attention Mr. Contractor

Please build me a addition. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.

My addition should have between twenty and twenty five hundred square feet. Just make sure that bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the drawing to me, I will make the final decision of what I want based on your supplied cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the addition I ultimately choose must cost less than the house did when I purchase it in 1969. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminium, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminium, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the addition, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen portion of the addition should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct addition for our entire family, make that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of theses options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this addition, specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.

I advise you to run up and look at my neighbour’s addition he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new addition without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As General Contractor, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another contractor.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not an addition at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

Home Owner

Chris Johnson

Having a bad day? Running into some wonderful customers I see.

__________________
Chris

KentWhitten

Me likey! Good one! And oh so true on one or two occasions.

__________________
If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place ~Lao Tzu

Custom Cabinetry - Portland, Cape Elizabeth, Scarborough, Kennebunkport, Yarmouth, Falmouth, Cumberland, Ogunquit, Maine

Salmon Falls Cabinetry

Patrick

I Already built that addition how long ago did they e-mail you?

kevjob

__________________
Kevin
Basement Finishing Highlands Ranch Colorado
Littleton Colorado, Basement Remodeling
Kitchen Remodeling Denver

thom

Years ago a woman called me about building a home. On the phone she gave me the minimum sizes of each room she needed. These rooms added up to 1600 square feet without halls, laundry room, entry. She insisted that the house could be no larger than 1200 square feet since that's all she could afford. When I told her the minimum room sizes she had given me added up to 1600 square feet and I could not fit that into a 1200 square foot house she told me that she would find someone who could.

Leo G

I may not know what I like, but I know what I don't like, and I am looking at it right now.

I have had a lady say this to me. I built what she designed, I put up her original drawing and faced it towards the project, it was an exact replica. She still didn't like it. I changed a few things for her at her cost and got paid. She was pleased. A few years later she insisted that I work for her again. I said I may not know who I will be working for, but is won't be you. She did not understand. I classify her as a nutcase.

__________________
Sawdust Follows Me Everywhere

http://lrgwood.com
Custom Cabinets in Hartford County Connecticut

POOLMANinCT

woodmag, I'm confused.
are you moonlighting as a novelist?

ray

__________________
......Less with the jaw & More with the paw.....

Mbskye

Get the trailer......

__________________
"Some days, it just isn't worth chewing off the restraints."
" Second place, is the first loser."

dirt diggler

__________________
Thanks in advance!!!

ElliottDoor

Its a conspiracy! They are allllll like that! Funny thing is it took me awhile to see it was a joke because its so dam common.

Ive had a customer tell me she didnt like the way the light shined and changed the color of the furniture. When I told her the color of her room was too bright to reflect any change of possible color retrospect (huh?) She painted here room! TRUE STORY!

Sometimes I want to just say, ARE YOU F*****G with me!

silvertree

I had a women ask if we could install an outlet, I said I could get that done for her and she added that she already had the outlet, just needed it installed.
The electrician gets out there and she points to the spot she wants it installed. He says we have to run power (wires) to the outlet to get it to work. She looks at him like he's trying to spike the job and tells him to forget about it.
Apparently the guy at Home Depot sold her a box, duplex receptacle and a plate and she thought you just cut a hole in the wall push in the parts and your good to go. There should be a test before you can buy a home.

kevjob

More like a test before you concieve

__________________
Kevin
Basement Finishing Highlands Ranch Colorado
Littleton Colorado, Basement Remodeling
Kitchen Remodeling Denver

kapena

You forgot to add that the customer was willing to help out in the construction process now and then. This help would only involve work that was not dangerous or hard (requiring the use of ladders etc.) We are talking about sweeping up occasionally and maybe setting the deck nails when necessary. Interior painting might also be OK as long as we are only talking about rollering the walls the way it is shown on TV. Any natural wood trim that needed finishing could also be done by the owner, who knows how to sand it with 60 grit across the grain and then use dark walnut stain. The customer expects at least a 20-30% reduction in the agreed price for contributing such sweat-equity.