Wife Wants Out

johndel1971

hey guys,dont mean to come off as a sissy or anything but wife of 10 years came to me the other day and said she wasent happy and wants out. i know some of you guys been through this so im looking for any tips or suggestions on how to still remain focused and keep my business running at its peak. i found myself the past few days having no desire to be at work and left a job at noon on friday.i spent many years building my business,lots of sacrafice and lots of time spent away from home which is the reason why she is leaving. they want all the finer things in life and want to live like a queen but dont seem to understand that it all costs money which means i have to be out there making it. ill take any and all suggestions serious or funny,anything will help. thanx to all in advance

CrpntrFrk

IT WILL BE OK!!!!!!!!!!!
The pain will go away and you will move on. When I got a divorce I was the same way. No ambition, no motivation. You just have to force yourself to keep going and remember IT WILL BE OK! Not what you want to hear but I dissolved my company so she could not get anything from the company. I started back up and I was doing great till the economic downfall. It has been five years after my divorce and I am 10 times happier. You can and will get through it. Keep your head up and good luck!

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PGD

Sorry to hear chief!

First find out why, and If you have kids then WORK IT OUT! as long as you two don't fight like cats and dogs in front of the kids then you need to do what ever it takes to work things out!

Seek a counselor and really talk about whats going on ...

as for having no motivation, I know how you feel ... you don't wanna be anywhere, you can't stand being at work but then you leave and you can't stand being home, what helped me was to keep moving. take looooong walks to clear your head and to get focused. my most productive years were when I was going through the same, but I reset my self and worked at it and got back with my wife after 18 month separation. we have been great ever since.

Number one rule: don't let them see you hurt. for some reason it hurts a woman more when you are going about your business as if everything is OK, than when you tell them that your in pain. let her make the first move but be attentive and listen.

ScipioAfricanus

Been through it myself, first wife of 13 yrs. wanted out, I wanted out also. No kids and GOD she was a (b)itch, never happy.
The thing that hurt most was the thought that I couldn't keep a marriage going, that I failed in it. Well guess what?

We fail sometimes.

I have a lovely wife now that I love more than I ever thought that I would again. Three great kids too. I'll never divorce this one, She'll probably kill me first.

I was non-motivated for a little while too then I stopped whining like a little girl and feeling sorry for myself (like I was the only one this ever happened to).

My advice is to just split what you have amicably, part ways, never see her again if possible, have a beer find someone new.

Andy.

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Melissa

I'm a wife of a contractor and we've "been there done that" argument many times. I have a lot I could add on this subject

I think it comes down to balance.

This is the type of situation that happens in our household that turns me into a cranky, stressed out wife/mom - When he works late most evenings, then has to work a few Saturdays in a row, then has to work on his truck or help a friend a few Sundays in a row...

We've been in business for ourselves for 7 years now and my husband is finally starting to slow down a little. Being in business for yourself you constantly have to be good at self discipline and this even includes knowing when to stop working - especially when you have a wife/family.

I think you should try and see if you can work things out. It aint over till it's over right?

chris n

[QUOTE=PGD;736416]Sorry to hear chief!

First find out why, and If you have kids then WORK IT OUT! as long as you two don't fight like cats and dogs in front of the kids then you need to do what ever it takes to work things out!

Seek a counselor and really talk about whats going on ...



I agree, especially the kids part. My wife has worked in the ED( emotionally disturbed) field with children, her whole career( the ones who end up in the psych hospitals) and the number one cause of most of these kids problems stems from divorced parents. Parents who breed should not be allowed to divorce

slowforthecones

sorry to hear your problem. better go calculate your damages and start hiding some money or moving assets to a protected venue

loneframer

Your situation sounds like "Total Recall". I was married for 9 years, had two children, designed and built my wifes dream home, (which she never appreciated) and was working about 70 hours a week to cover her irresponsible spending habit. Every bit of free time I had was spent entertaining my boys and all their friends who always seemed to gather at my house in the evenings. My wife found someone at work who would pay attention to her and was willing to get involved with a married woman so the rest is history.
I spent about a year blaming myself for a failed marriage and almost lost my business because of it. The best advice I can give you is that you need to focus on you. I never did it, but in retrospect, I recommend seeking a counselor that you can vent to or a family member who is willing to listen.
Fast forward to 8 years later. I managed to dig myself out of massive debt, bought a little house with a big garage (which is my idea of a dream house) my kids are healthy and doing well in school and I even manage to be amicable to my ex most of the time.
Long story short, things may appear like the end of the road and all is lost, but there is a big world out there and once you're on your own for awhile, you'll begin to appreciate all it has to offer.
I hope you can get things right with your wife, you should put all your effort into fixxing it. All I'm saying is, it's not the end of the world if you can't.

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72chevy4x4

my wife relayed an interesting tidbit to me, there was a discussion in a women's Sunday school class comprised of about 25 women, all but three were married. The question of loading the dishwasher came up. The married women were 'complaining' that their husbands didn't load the dishwasher correctly and the men usually think their way IS the correct way to load a dishwasher. The three women who were divorced could not relate to the discussion as their husbands never once helped in the kitchen.

The point I took from that is not that loading a dishwasher will save a marriage, but the mindset of giving to your spouse of time and energy goes a long way. Happiness is an outlook on your circumstances.

to the OP, if have a big client with whom you are building or installing for, come to you and said they wanted out of their relationship with you because you're not making them happy-it's easy to see you would try to work the situation. What is the problem, what has my company done that is making you unhappy, how can I make it better from this point forward or even to go back and fix discrepancies.

Cdat

Throw a party and look for some young chick to date.

stp57

Sgt. Poopypants,
I saw this one coming.
Steve

mikeswoods

Salvaging the marriage is fine if it's an option.


However you may not have all the facts. Often by the time they ask for a divorce it's to late.

She may well have someone on the "side".

Check call logs on the phones,do a little detective work--Get a lawyer.

Don't beat yourself up until you have all the facts.

JonM

Hookers and Alcohol........

A W Smith

been through this 11-12 years ago. Wife thought me and the marriage counselor were plotting against her. So I wasted over 800 bucks there while she was telling her friends she was just going through the motions at counseling. Apparently. I "didn't share her spirituality" as she was Wiccan and no. I didn't take it seriously at all. separated. Found a born again christian woman. Lawyerd back and forth for almost a year as she and her lawyer dragged their feet. Called my lawyer and said I want to file for default judgement. They ignored ouir filings and didnt show up for court even. Default divorced that day. a week later me and the fiancee married. Bout a month later the ex had some sort of medical episode and called and asked if we could pick up my son at the hospital. We came and she noticed me and the new wife were wearing wedding rings. wife told her we were married three weeks earlier. Her words "Dont you have to be divorced first" Told her she was divorced for over a month. (So stupid she didnt know it was "over" for a month) she was pissed. Her "Lawyer' never bothered to call her or didnt even know himself that there was a default judgement.

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mickey69125

Been there done that. All I can say is that it hurts like hell and nothing helps but time. What I did was to use that time to work on me. I had self confidence issues after the whole thing. If you don't love yourself, there is no way you can love someone else and have it work out. Force yourself to keep busy even though you don't feel like it. But, make sure to take time for yourself, you need that to get through this. Don't know if you have kids, but if you do, one thing to never do is to badmouth their mother in front of them. Kids are amazingly smart and they know what's going on and whose to blame. Good luck.

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flashheatingand

Perhaps you are spending too much time "nurturing" the business and not giving her the attention she desires. Does she play a major role within the business? I know I am guilty of concentrating/thinking about work a lot more than I should.

If they bitch about money, it's not as bad as bitching about attention.

PGD

WORK IT OUT! WORK IT OUT! WORK IT OUT!

Women are emotional and complex, we are simple and easy (lazy)... no matter who you end up with, you will have problems (and some are worse). Not all problems can be solved and their are few exceptions when divorce is best, but it's rare and if all of this came out of nowhere, then you my friend can fix this. she gave you hints but you didn't pick up on or thought she was being dramatic, women need to really hit us over the head to get us to notice (a technique my wife has learned well since)

A. she feels like you don't appreciate her and all that she does for you.
B. you don't appreciate her and all that she does for you.
C. she doesn't think like you. and will never understand why you work so hard, because she rather have more time with you than all the extras.
D. we want stuff. we like to feel like 'men' and go out there and bust our ass to bring our family loads and loads of stuff. but all they really want is you.
E. Emotionally the grass becomes greener, it's easy to look to someone new when things get bad. it's an illusion people put their best face forward when trying to get someones attention, women need to be reminded that men just wanna get in their pants.
F. We men are MACHO. If she wants out then it MUST mean that their's someone else, because she can't leave ME for not throwing out the trash!

You are not going to be productive (unless your angry then you'll work harder like I did) when hurt, so take some time off and re connect with your wife. don't question what she tells you about the reason she wants out no matter how crazy it might sound to you, women can get bent over the small things like washing dishes or throwing out the trash, because it's the thought not the act they think about.

You will always have your moments when you just wanna leave, but working it out usually brings those times when your glad you stayed.

My wife and I get along great now, but we had some really tough times... for me choosing to fight for her was the realization that she was and always will be the Mother of my kids, and the fact that she knew me before I had anything but most importantly I knew that I could do better with our relationship. and that's the key right there! don't let her feel like you want to work it out for the kids (it's a great reason) she wants you to want HER, not the mother of your kids. Make her feel like a woman, slap her ass and tell her how hot she is! (and then tell us)

My wife can't pass by me without getting grab ass, she gets flowers 3 times a month, even if it's just from our garden. Now the only complaint she has with me is when I pump air into her or jab her kidney...

Seriously, WORK IT OUT.

PGD

Oh, and enjoy the temporary weight loss over all this, I had a six pack and was looking ripped when I went through this... but it didn't last.

Leo G

Get a much better lawyer than her. Go visit a bunch of them so they can't help her without conflict of interest. Remove as much money from everywhere you can and put it in jars, say you spent it on lottery tickets. Get out and get out fast.

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neolitic

Were you following me around
26 years ago?

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