Went To Work Today...then Went Home

mccarty.74

This is my weakest moment in 28 years. I always thought I was a bad-ass and could handle anything thrown my way. I lost my dad last Thursday and haven't been the same since. He was my father, my support system, and my best friend. I've always allowed work to be my outlet to anything occurring in my personal life. In this situation it's not working. I consider this to be a community regardless of our differences in politics, religion, or methodology. More than that I consider you guys my counterparts, simply because we've CHOSEN the contractor title. I'm certain that most of us are fully capable, able-bodied, and willing to do anything we set our minds to. That being said, I'm not looking for condolences, but rather how do you pull it together and get back on the horse? Is time the only answer because it seems time breeds more anger?

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oldfrt

First off,sorry for your loss.

It's always tough to lose someone you've known your whole life,so the pains not going away too soon.

Everything will happen in steps and you will know when you've gone through them all.It may take months,it may take weeks,it depends how you're built.

Do the best you can,but take the time to remember all the good times,and let them be your solice.

Anger is definitely one of the steps,and the only way to get over it is to go through it.

Visiting close friends and family is always a good distraction and comforting .

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dkillianjr

Sorry for your loss mccarty, I am gonna have to say just about what oldfrt said. Good luck with everything.


Dave

neolitic

You never get over it.
You just gradually learn
to live with it.
You are allowed to scream.
You are allowed to cry too.
It helps to talk and be with
other people who knew and loved him.
Then, time, evry day will be a bit
easier....if you really let yourself grieve.

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spdtrx

I am so sorry for your lose. I know how you feel. I losed my dad two years ago and my mom a year ago next month. I learned most everything I know about construction from my dad. We were very close. I will tell you that it will get better with time. When you think about your dad just remember that he is in a better place. When you do something that reminds you of him just smile and go on and never forget those memories
because good memories are all you have and all you need.
Good luck and good thoughts.

gbryant1

I know how you feel and it is something that is very hard to deal with and try to maintain some sanity. I lost my baby brother to cancer in 06, my father to cancer in 08 and my grandmother (my fathers mother) last Sunday night. It was real hard to be the strong one for everyone Since I am the oldest son in the family but for my brother i had his three young kids to look after and try to help them get through it. Then when my father passed I tried to stay strong for my mother.
I guess I helped myself through it all by helping everyone else get through it.
Just keep the faith and keep your chin up and you will pull through it

DavidC

My condolences for your loss. The others have covered it pretty well already, I can only add that it is important to let yourself grieve and only through that will you be able to move on.

I like to think that those that go ahead of us can and do still look out for us. Lost my dad when I was eight but still felt his guidance when I was wondering if I was marrying the right girl. That was 37 years ago so I guess the advice was good.

Time will help.

Good Luck
Dave

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Ebbo

My condolences on your loss.

I went through this last year. My mom passed away last August 23, and my fiance passed away September 13 of last year.

I can say from my own experience I turned down jobs, was out of it for many months. It's been a year for me now, and in a few days a year since my fiance passed, but yes, time does make the hurt go away.

There will be times when you still get that feeling of loss, it is only natural. Everyone is different on how they deal with it, but for me it took time. I of course still think of them but thankfully the feelings of pain and loss had subsided substantially. Been there and done that as many here also have, but as I said, time really does play the part on making it somewhat easier. Talk to your friends, family, and people here or whatever forum you go to who will listen without giving you grief. It really helps with it too.

MeatBallDryWall

My absolute condolences for your loss. If it helps any reading your post made me tear up thinking about the loved ones in my life that I've lost & how hard it is dealing with it. Time can only heal so much & you never really get over it but just learn to cope. Here's a quote I love & always remember he's now watching over you.






Quotations from Saint Francis Of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Tom R

Condolences for such a tough loss, but he is never really gone, he's engrained himself within you. He's looking over you, he's still there, he wants you to soar through your life and even someday beyond. Work for him, work with him, it's what he would want.

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loneframer

Sorry for your loss.
Time truly does heal, but that's not to say you will be without scars. It sounds as though you have great memories of and with your father. They should be cherished and relied upon to help ease your pain.
Talking about it will lift a great deal of burden from your shoulders too. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Surround yourself with family and friends.

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ampman

sorry i can't answer your question -but some day i will

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Wolfgang

Neo, I just want to say that is probably one of the best things I have ever read on this forum.

I lost my father 5 years ago We were working together on the house I now live in. For about three weeks I would come over to the house and wander around aimlessly. I told the wife and family I was either going to sell it as it sat or burn it down. I was finally convinced that finishing the house was the thing that he would have wanted to see. Glad I did. About a year later I find a roll of film which I have no idea what is on it. Turned out there was a picture of him that the wife took standing next to the house a few days before he died.

I miss him everyday and even at my age of 55 now, I'd like to think he'd be proud of my accomplishments.

Again, thanks for the great post Neo.

Wolf

tgeb

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

One week is a pretty short time. Take a few more days.

Then....get your ass back to work. That's what your Dad would want.

Why are you angry?

Rejoice!

When I read your post, the first thing I thought was that you need to take your Dad with you to work. Imagine that he is there, talk with him, share your lunch.
Picture that he is a little guy sitting on your shoulder, watching over your work.

When I was in my 20's I attended the funeral of one of my relatives, don't remember if it was a Grandfather or great uncle, but some old timer.
And I realized as I looked around the room, that I would likely see most of these people pass before I would. It was a sobering thought, but one that puts things in perspective.

You can't stop what will be, only try and make the best of it. We all will depart this world at some time, and leave behind sons and daughters, what would you tell them when it is your turn?

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ChrWright

I hope you can feel the collective pat on the shoulder from the guys here. Many of us have dealt with loss and grief in our lives and it's good to hear so many great perspectives on it and know you're not alone.

No one would ever ask for that kind of pain, but I truly believe it's good for the soul and brings into focus what's really important in our lives. It sucks. It hurts. But the bond between you and your dad will echo in your life forever.

In times of grief it's normal to lose your motivation. Those things will become important to you again in their own good time. Give yourself permission to be okay with that.

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Indianapolis Kitchen Remodeling Contractor - You Can Get There From Here

Tom Struble

this is a path we all have to walk

nobody gets out of here alive

we live our lives as best we can

its all we can do

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Tom

mccarty.74

Thanks guys. I doubt that I'll ever, truly, be the same.

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mccarty.74

Neo, I want to take a moment to thank you personally. I think you and I speak the same language. Despite an earlier difference you are an insightful, thoughtful, and well-intentioned guy. It says a lot about your overall character and I'm appreciative in a way I can't describe. Again, thank you, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

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neolitic

It's sad to say, but one thing
you have to learn about is losing
people who you love.
The longer you live, the more you lose.

Fortunately, along the way there
will be a lot of weddings, babies,
graduations, love, and laughs.

Hang in there, and remember what you have...
and be grateful for what you had.

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CookeCarpentry

mccarty - I know I am echoing above comments, but I am sorry for your loss.

Today marks the 5th anniversary of my father's passing - coincidentally I have to be reminded of it because it is on 9/11. I went through all the range of emotions that you are feeling (and will be feeling).

Take some time to sort things out, be it on your own, or with loved ones (friends and/or family). Then get back to work. It sounds callous, but life goes on, and your father would not want you to interrupt your life for very long because of his passing.

Time heals all wounds.

Regards.