Wedding Responsibilities

PA woodbutcher

To make a short story long

My son is in the Army stationed in Ft Carson, CO. He is coming home Nov 14th to get married and his bride is originally from Colorado.

Since he is coming home to get married, my wife and I have handles everything on this end. From ordering the tuxes, the flowers, the DJ, reserving the banquet hall, the church, the pastor, the organist, etc, etc. We are even making the stuffed shells and lasagna to serve at the reception (they knocked $5 a head for us doing this). This was a request by my son (he misses the ol man's 3 day from scratch sauce and his mother's 7 cheese stuffed shells)

His future father in law in law keeps asking who do I owe what? The poor guy only has 15 people coming out for the wedding an I get a guilty conscience about having him pay for 125 people form my side of the family and close family friends. I kept the guest list down as much as I could without dissing people.

My sister in law was just diagnosed with Colan and liver cancer a couple of weeks ago. He has been running from appointment to appointment for the last 2 weeks. I have been giving him some of my work because his normal job is an hour and a half away and he wouldn't have time to work and catch some of these appointments. I make no money off him and he has actually cost me money because he is preoccupied and bears watching. With all the extra expense and him doing work that I would normally do I'm starting o feel the pinch

The father in law knows nothing of this, but soon will. Seems like a nice enough guy and don't want to stick him with a monster bill, but have my own problems now and work isn't exactly booming if you know what I mean.

How much would you expect to pay for if it was your daughter? How much would you expect to pay for if it were your son?

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jtpro

Congrats! 125 people on a compressed list? Stuffed shells, lasagna and 3 day sauce Ya'll are Italian aren’t ya?

Well as I'm sure you(and he) are aware traditional protocol says the Bride’s family foots the bill for the wedding and Groom's family the honeymoon.

I think it's commendable you are shouldering the majority of the burden.

Since you will soon all be "family" I would suggest just laying out the cards to the bride's dad as you did above. Offer like 50%-60% if that's a comfortable amount for you. I think he would be pleased to know his daughter is marrying into a stand up family.

Oh and I think you could send my some sauce for my.02 worth.

IHI

If he's only bringing 15 people and traveling that far, i'd smile and eat the bill, those 15 folks aint cost'n that much. Then you can save that for is your son gets divorced, throw it in his face..."well her family was cheap, they did'nt even help pay for their own daughters wedding"

Personally my wife and i paid completely for our own wedding....we both grew up forging our own path to get what we wanted so i honestly dont know how to handle it since if the kids wanna get married, they shoulda paid for it..but i know you meant well by doing so.

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Cole82

My little girl is 3yo so I have a while to save up.

I'm still a young guy I think at 27. When we got married we tried to pay for most of it, we each put in 5g's each. When our funds went dry we both asked our parents. My parents put in 5g's as well and her parents put 10g's in. It was a ton of money (25g's) but it was worth it we had 250 people at the wedding and 300 at the reception. We rented the fair grounds for the reception. We got married in the church her grandparents and parents got married in.

Tell the inlaws what is going on you may be surprized what he WANT's to pay for.

matt grisham

make it clear on what you can pay .to day every one is welling to help . communication is a grate start to building a grate family bond . we all need each other. but it is your son. and he shirley , he carries some of your attributes . we are all trying to reach the same goal . there is ways to go cheaper . have family members help with some of the thing every body will help. start buying thing way early silk flours , lots of dressas on Craig's list and wedding items that are in new condition

Mellison

Very funny!!!!!

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Tinstaafl

I just discussed this quandary with my wife. We both feel that you'd be doing both you and the in-laws a disservice by not sharing this information with them. Consider their pride as well. Hook up a phone call to lay it all out and discuss the most equitable way to share expenses.

It won't do anyone any good if you go broke doing this, and have to move in with the kids right after the wedding!

PA woodbutcher

You guys are great!! That was exactly what I was looking for...different mindsets form different areas. Living out here in the woods does have it's disadvantages....we don't get out much.

My wife and I also paid for our wedding...took out a loan for it in fact. As most everyone knows, our military aren't paid the best, but they do deserve the best. So far these two have been fiscally responsible and would like to see them stay that way. The last thing that a brand new marriage needs is to start out in debt.

When my daughter was married my wife and I footed the bill for everything, right up to and including the rehearsal dinner....not that his parents didn't have the money, but his mother is a real gem....really great to be told what your responsibilities are If it wasn't for my daughters feelings the fireworks would have went off. As it was I got drunk at the reception and had a good time.....That was for 300 people, 150 from each side.

I've had a couple of talks with the guy and as I said seems real nice. I think at this point I'll foot the bill and talk with him when he gets there. Me and my conscience knows what it's like to pay for 150 people you don't know to have a good time. I have receipts for everything, so I think when he gets here the wife and will have a quiet sit down and ask him how he can help.

There will also be a welcome home party immediatley following the reception. I have kept all of those reciepts seperate. We've only seen him 3 times in the last 3 years (a year in Korea and another in Iraq), and truth be told in better times I would foot the whole bill with a smile on my face. He is starting to get excited to be coming home. He's calling about every other day and you can't get him off the phone

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KellyD&B

Im getting married next July...We are on a very tight budget and finding a place in New York City was running us about $30,000...Neither of our parents are in any position to help us eventhough they keep offering. We both asked them what they could honestly afford and we figured out exactly what we could too...Figuring out the budget and who pays for what is the most important step. No one wants to go broke over a party. Once we figured everything out we changed our plans. We are getting hitched at Graceland with just our families and a few friends...

PA woodbutcher

I offered to send my daughter and her husband on a 7 day cruise to get married....would have been cheaper Congratulations!

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'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.' - Ronald Reagan

Resta

That's reality. I paid in full 6 years ago. Thank God was much less than 150 guest. Three month ago my son got divorce. But then I was happy to be able to do that. No regrets.

PA woodbutcher, do what you can, have a good timeand forget amount what you spend. Write-off a loss. And don't let them to milk you more

PA woodbutcher

Friend of mine in Pittsburgh spent 17 grnd for his daughters wedding....it lasted 3 months

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PA woodbutcher

You bet I'll have a good time My daughter got married @1 in the afternoon and we didn't leave the reception until 2 the next morning. I remember the wedding, and most of the reception.....after that I have the checker board effect. All I can remember are the black squares

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FremontREO

Our daughters wedding is next Saturday. Future son-in-law is in the Air Force. Seems to really like it. 350 so far reserved and I'd like to kick someones behind for all those invitations !! LOL

PA woodbutcher

Ouch! That many people also means that they are close to a lot of people and are blessed with many friends...means they are probably good people Congrats!!

As I said, our serviceman deserve the best. If he decides to stay he will never be rich, but should provide a financially secured life for your daughter.
Your first to marry off?

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'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.' - Ronald Reagan

Al Truistic

2 weeks from today my daughter is getting married, so I feel your pain. My wife and I paid for our wedding, and we have let our kids know they are on their own for the most part. We are helping out where we can, but things are tight at home.

To add to the "fun" my soon to be son-in-law fell off a roof 3 weeks ago and shattered his heel and fractured his arm. So he can't even use crutches. The kids had planned to rent an apartment, but with him not being able to work for at least 4 months, that plan got scrapped. We are in the process of adding a small "apartment" in his parents garage. It may not be finished by the wedding, but we should be close.

Ah, the fun of parenting. Can't wait to see what the other 3 kids can come up with.

Al

TimelessQuality

Vegas....like $79 round trip j/k!

I think it would be wise to try an equitable split.

If for no other reason, just think of the future 'discussions', (er ah arguments) between the newlyweds.



Congrats man!

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AmeliaP

I would do a percentage based on the guest list - 15 people out of 125 is 12%

BTW - I shoot weddings if you still need a Photographer......

PA woodbutcher

If a percentage was in order, my son in laws mother owes me $7,500.....I knew I didn't like her

Sorry, but actually have 2 people shooting the wedding and reception. 1 is a professional photographer and the other is a friend of mine with a couple of grand in camera equipment. 2 different people with 2 different perspectives on what kind of atmosphere is a good pic

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oldfrt

[quote=PA woodbutcher;798726]If a percentage was in order, my son in laws mother owes me $7,500.....I knew I didn't like her

Actually,since it's traditional to have the brides parents pay for the wedding,they should pick up the whole tab,but;

Tough spot when they have only 15 people attending.
I'd just open a discussion with them about some happy middle ground here,since the attendance is so lop sided.

All my wife's family lives 1000miles away,so for my daughters wedding,the guests list was 75 our side 100 his side.
Grooms parents offered to pay the way for 25 others on their list.

Seemed ,more than fair to me.

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