A Velociraptor? No Way.

MasterStrokes

Yes folks the day has come. Your up against a very big, hungry, pissed Velociraptor, but wait. The bad news is… You and this Velociraptor are trapped in a Home Depot. How the hell you two ended up in a Home Depot I’ll never know, but make the best of it. What are you going to grab to do battle with this beast?

I’m trekking over to the garden center and grabbing a hoe. I’ll hoe that ******** into submission.

Don’t try beating it to death with wind chimes. Huge mistake.
Bing, dong, ding, bong, ping, ding, dong. What was I thinking?

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If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Cole

Huh?

Are you high?

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Tulsa's Leader in Outdoor Living Construction | Facebook | Tulsa Pergola Builder | Tulsa Outdoor Kitchens

MasterStrokes

No. I’m trying to add adventure to my pathetic Saturday by creating an epic thriller. That and I watched Jurassic Park last night. Are you Jeff Goldbloom? « (sp)

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If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Don Benham

I think the raptor would make short work of your hoes. They don't make 'em like they used to, the handle would break after only two good swings leaving you with your stick in your hand.

But, seeings you're already in the hoe aisle, grab two, keep running till your get to the blacktop section. He'll follow you, raptors were not the brightest bulbs. as you hit the aisle, extend both arms out on your side, hoe in each hand, metal part aimed in front. You can then run down the aisle pulling buckets of blacktop to the floor spilling everywhere. The raptor, dumb as they are, will follow, slipping and falling. This won't stop him but can slow him enough for you get to the flooring section. This is where you need to act quickly for the beast will soon regain his footing. Quickly, start opening and dumping buckets of adhesive. Carpet glue, wood glue, everything but Thinspread(to much open time).

When the big dumb lizard hits the glue, BAMM! instant tar-pit.

But really, you can avoid this kind of thing by avoiding the store altogether.

Hope that helps,
Don

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Benham Flooring
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Look, I know the voices in my head aren't real, it's just that lately they've had some really good points.

Grumpy

Definetly the tool section of an pneumatic nailer and some duct tape to tape back the saftey

That and maybe a pick axe... Then again why the hell am I answering that dum question?! LOL.

MasterStrokes

And will there be help found in the store when I need to find all these things? I was thinking about feeding it a little old cashier lady I saw but I can’t do that. She’s hot!

Grumpyyy. You PARTICIPATED.

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If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Glasshousebltr

Grump, don't you know, even a frameing nail out of the best passload loses it's velocity within inches of the gun, you would have to climb on that big bit(h and drill it in the head. .........But I can see that, if you didn't get eaten trying to find a long enough cord and hose for the compressor.

How about this, you feed him the fat snoty kid that sweeps the floors, this will buy you enough time to seduce the cashiers convincing them it's thier last day on earth. Then you grab 100 FT of #6, set up the water hose, lure him to ya, and throw 220 to his A$$ and get free fireworks show to boot.

Then back to the cashiers for another as the hero.

What a day.

Bob

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Bob

Don Benham

I'm starting to realize how short-sighted my plan was. I never even thought about the casheirs and the hero angle.
Thanks Bob.
\
Don

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Benham Flooring
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Look, I know the voices in my head aren't real, it's just that lately they've had some really good points.

Glasshousebltr

Gota stay on my toes, Last day on earth/hero thing doesn't come around much.

Thats a double hitter............But I can think of some other............... ah.............. double hitters

Bob

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Bob

MasterStrokes

Don’t feel bad. Fricking wind chimes. It has intelligence and doesn’t seem to like wet feet. I’m treading through deep water that’s coming from somewhere and its standing on top of a display of fiberglass ladders laughing it’s a$$ off.

I can only imagine the chaos at the cash registers. I hear a lot of moaning, groaning and screaming coming from that direction. I’m loosing my mind. It sounds like…like…like…an orgy.

:Thumbs:

That’s what I get for reading posts from the bottom up.

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If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Paul Staub

lure it into the receiving area where there is a giant hydraulic trash compactor. SQUUUUIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Teetorbilt

Ooooo, I really like the compactor idea. The one for cardboard. You could then sell the mixture to a McStore.

MasterStrokes

These are all great ideas and I think I’ve figured something out. Somehow the Home Depot created this Velociraptor from thoughts. We need to clear our minds of anything strange or unusual. This is very important.

With that said I don’t know who was thinking about these, but we have two new problems. Up by the cash registers we have a naked 50 foot woman. And over in the decorator center. You guessed it. “The StayPuff Marshmallow Man”.

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If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Teetorbilt

Master, I am thinking that you are operating on another plane from the rest of us.

Glasshousebltr

He might be bleeding over from one of the other 11 deminsions 'm' therory and super strings calls for.

Bob

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Bob

Paul Staub

some people tell me that I look like the staypuff marshmallow man. Now if I could only find that 50ft woman....

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-Paul

TimWieneke

Ok, here's my solution. A velociraptor in Home Depot? The first thing I'm doing is running to the plumbing section. For pipe? No. For a plumber. Why? Have you seen plumbers in Chicago? I don't need be faster than the velociraptor. I just need to be faster than the 3 course meal on 2 legs plumber. :Thumbs: (Well, with the exception of one plumber I know who's a 7 foot ex-biker. He's kinda scary.)

After that it's off to the paint section. Get some Kilz in a sprayer - fire that sucker up indoors and that raptor will be so high I could kill him with a ball peen hammer.

Tim

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As Steve the Foreman would say, "Forgive him Lord, for he doesn't know what he's doing."

TimWieneke

"but we have two new problems. Up by the cash registers we have a naked 50 foot woman. And over in the decorator center. You guessed it. “The StayPuff Marshmallow Man”. "

Didn't see this new development. As far as the naked woman, I'll run to the nearest payphone and call your mama so she'll slap you for thinking dirty thoughts.

As far as the StayPuff - the answer's simple. You got that kilz in the sprayer already. Grab a bic from one of those 5-packs at the front counter and start thinking smores. :Thumbs:

Man do I need a life....

Tim

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As Steve the Foreman would say, "Forgive him Lord, for he doesn't know what he's doing."

TimWieneke

"I would go for one of the idiots working the customer service counter and club one of them to be used for live bait"

Tell me about it. He could be in the middle of being eaten and would swear up and down that their store doesn't have raptors, just like they have literally told me in the past that they don't carry furnace cement, mini-wax floor wax or visquine.

Tim

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As Steve the Foreman would say, "Forgive him Lord, for he doesn't know what he's doing."

MasterStrokes

Well its not like I spend all day thinking about these things. To be honest I stole this thread after seeing it was very popular on a few message boards. It’s jolly and a little escape from the norm. I’ve seen 30 people logged in to this board with not one new post in hours. I thought heck a little something to liven things up might go over well. Contractors? Home Depot? It’s sure to be a hit.

A few have added to the fun and a few might question it. That’s expected and respected. I try to be diverse. A little joke here, a little thanks there. If I can help with my painting experience? That too. It’s all in good fun. It brings a smile to my face, and keeps me sharp and young. If it does the same for just one other person? It served a purpose.

By the way. Did you know Robert E. Lee of the Confederate Army remains the only person to date, that graduated from the West Point military academy without a single demerit? LOL

No I’m not from another dimension and I’m still clueless about the “m” theory. Is it a secret? I posted “The Holographic Universe” thread because that to was popular on other boards. I was surprised many people have actually read up on the theory. I’ve also read how it helped people struggling with spirituality or trying to understand the crazy world we all live in. Sure it’s a theory and a lot of information. I’m a power reader and saw the inheriting good in the theory so I posted it. Nothing more.

I’m not Stephen Hawkins, Homer Simpson, George Bush, or Kid Rock. I’m just as human as everyone else here. Struggling, learning, thinking and trying to have a little fun along the way. If that’s unacceptable I’ll wonder why for maybe an hour. Then like a small flightless bird. A rouge penguin. I’ll flap my flippers over boredom and swim away. LOL

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If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.