Some Short Jokes

Ron The Plumber

Subject: NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a
local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young, idealistic
ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for
conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It
looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young l ady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!
I mean, no sex since 1955 ! " She took his
hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him
several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
Don't you just love military time?!

roofwiz74

gross..going to kiss your 80yr old grandma good night and she slips you the tongue.

finishing off a jar of mayo and finding a used condom at the bottom.

sliding down a 10' razor blade and landing in a pool of alcohol.

biting into a hot dog and finding a vien.

__________________
You have ONE advantage over me.....you can kiss my butt and I can't!!

skyhook

What is the fastest growing city in the world ?

Dublin, why, because it's Dublin everyday.

__________________

Ron The Plumber

Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a motorbike.
They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see
if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no
room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.

The Mexican put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the
back with their bike will he take them and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of
the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this
time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough the coppers pull him up for speeding. The good officer asks
the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Mexican eggs.

The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.
He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets onto his
radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many
officers.

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it - 2 have hatched and
they have managed to steal a motorbike already".

JasontheMason

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched the food."
''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."
''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."
''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''
''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''
''It was there. You should have!''

DelW

Gross is throwing your underwear against the wall and having it stick.

__________________
If love is blind, why do they make Lingerie?