Snow, Oh Beautiful Snow!!!

Ed the Roofer

Some contractors from the East Coast were just mentioning the beautiful conditions they have experienced recently, which reminded me of this wonderful description of winter and all of its glories.

Ed



December 8th: It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I got out our hot buttered rums and set by the picture window, watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was soooo beautiful.

December 9th: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape, what a beautiful sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shoveled for the first time in years and loved it. I did our driveway, our sidewalk, and even the neighblrs walk. Later a snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I smiled back and shoveled it again.

December 10th: It snowed an additional 6 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled the driveway again, heck with the neighbors walk. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish grey.

December 11th: It warmed up enough today to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. I bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145.00 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

December 12th: Still Friggin cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4 X 4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guard rail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white **** last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me. That Godddamn snowplow came by and buried me again.

December 13th: 2 degrees outside. More ****ing snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was out most of the night. No ****in heat. Tried to keep from freezing to death with the candles and a kerosene heater. Heater tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered second degree burns on my hand and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

December 14th: ******* mother-****in white **** keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the ****in mail box. If I ever catch the son of a bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew his chest off and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 mph and buries the ficking driveway. Power still off and the toilet is frozen. Can't piss or **** inside. Roof is starting to cave in.

December 15th: 6 more ******* ****in inches of ****in snow and ****in sleet and ****in ice and goddomn knows what other kind of white ****in **** fell last night. I wounded that ****in snowplow dickhead with an ice axe, but the ******* got away. Wife left me. ****in car won't start. I think I'm going snowblind. I can't move my toes. My dick is almost frozen solid. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill factor is -33 degrees. ******* it, I'm moving back south.

SelfContract

Ha Ha Ha Ha.. Very Good....thanks.. Lmao!!!!....

oldfrt

Good one Ed,
I see your already seasoned out for the winter.

We got a new snow plow driver last year and he took out 8 out every mailboxes on the street.
The only ones that held up were the "Rubbermaid" ones.

Before you know it you'll be sipping ice tea by the pool....LOL

Chicago,Windy City,I feel for ya Ed.

Teetorbilt

I'm enjoying a 'cold one' right now. A/C's still on and set to 78*. I think that I need to go outside and warm up for a few mins.

__________________
You can't solve you're problems with the same level of thinking that created the problems.

Albert Einstein