Monday Morning Humor

Leo G

>>
>>> Redneck Bank Loan
>>>
>>>
>>> Never underestimate A Texas Redneck
>>> cowboy.
>>>
>>> A Redneck from Sweetwater, Texas walked into a
>>> bank in New York City and asked for the
>>> loan offi cer.
>>> He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris on an
>>>
>>> international redneck festival for two weeks and needed to
>>> borrow $5,000 and
>>> that he was not a depositor of the bank.
>>>
>>>
>>> The bank
>>> officer told him that the bank would need
>>> some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed
>>> over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the
>>> street in front of the bank.
>>>
>>> The Redneck produced the title and everything
>>> checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car
>>> as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to
>>> charge
>>> 12% interest.
>>>
>>> Later, the bank's president and its officers
>>> all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for
>>> using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
>>>
>>> An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari
>>> into the bank's private underground garage and parked
>>> it.
>>>
>>> Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the
>>> $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said,
>>> 'Sir, we ar e very happy to have had your business, and
>>> this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a
>>> little
>>> puzzled.
>>>
>>> While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn
>>> & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly
>>> sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate
>>> and financial interests all over the
>>> world. Your investments include a large number of
>>> wind turbines around Sweetwater , Texas .
>>>
>>>
>>> What puzzles us is, why would you bother to
>>> borrow $5,000?’ The good 'ole Texas boy replied,
>>> 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two
>>> weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I
>>> return?
>>>
>>> His name was BUBBA...

-------------------------------------------------------------


VATICAN HUMOR
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo,
(and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing
on the curb.


'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take
your seat so we can leave?'


'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me

drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive

today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my
job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd
never gone to work that morning.


'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.


Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember,
the Pope is German.)


'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but

the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.


'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the
driver.


The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,
but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on
the radio.


'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.


The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a
limo going 205 kph.


'So bust him,' says the Chief.


'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said

the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'


'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of

persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'


Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'


Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'


Cop: 'I think it's God!'


The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think
it's God?'


Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

__________________
Sawdust Follows Me Everywhere

http://lrgwood.com
Custom Cabinets in Hartford County Connecticut

CScalf

One for all of us...

Did you hear about little Jimmy?

He is four years old. He was bugging Mother so she said, "Jimmy, why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work. Maybe you'll learn something." Jimmy was gone about 2 hours. When he came home his Mother asked him what he learned.

Jimmy replied, "Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the son of a biotch doesn't fit, so you have to take the c@ck sucker back down. Then you have to take a c*nt hair off each side and put the Mother f@cker back up."

Jimmy's Mother said, "you wait till your Dad comes home." When Jimmy's dad got home,
mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across the street. Jimmy told his dad the
whole story. Dad said, "Jimmy, you go outside and get the switch."

Jimmy replied, "F*@k you, that's the Electrician's job."

__________________
"Your problem does not constitute an emergency on my part"

SelfContract

OK, but first joke is out of line little bit because besides $23.07, there are also required loan processing fees (with any kind of personal loan) too which will bring up higher than $23, but it's okay joke I got it.. thanks

Solardave

Little Betty was at the barber with Dad waiting for him to get his hair cut. She was eating a cupcake. Instead of sitting still she kept getting in the barber's way. Finally he told her: honey you're going to get hair on your twinkie! She said "I know and Mom said I'm gonna get boobs too".

31b

that's still about.. what.. a day's worth of parking for NYC?