Kids After 40

bob_cntrctr

In another thread, I read:

ScipioAfricanus> "...having kids at age 45 (best thing I ever did) ..."

and I thought, wow, that's courageous.

Excelent for Scipio if that fits wher ehe is in life at that point - but I wondered about some practical things. Like, for example, if you have kids at 45, you're gonna be in your mid sixties before they even get out of school (assuming university). You're gonna be in your seventies when they get married and start having kids. Odds are high your kids are going to be parent-less in their thirties - and it may even happen in their twenties. And for you - wheras you might have retired at 60, now you're going to have a teenager in the house at that age. You're going to need an income to pay for college - you pretty much must keep working until at least 65 unless business has been really really good the previous 20 years.

So I'm curious to read more from those who;ve actually done it at such an age and feel like sharing. How's it working out?

joasis

I have a 10 year old girl, and two grandsons....talk about a spread. My kids are 27, 26, and 10...and my wife would love another baby. I am 48.....

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rbsremodeling

My father had his last kid at 61

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bob_cntrctr

Those are certainly interesting facts, guys. But, what are your real life impressions of it?

Joasis - you had your last at 38, and are under pressure for another at 48. What do you see as the pros and cons?

RBS - maybe the last kid wasn't you, but you've seen first hand family life for a 60-year old father of young children. How'd that work out for them?

mickeyco

I haven't done it (yet), my parents did, my mom had kids in her forties, my father was in his fifties, he died before the youngest two were out of high school, my mother died before the youngest was 21 (20 year difference from youngest to oldest), it was very rough on the younger ones, there are a lot of things they will miss out on aside from the financial assistance, no parents to seek guidance from, no parents at graduations from college, no parents at your wedding, the grand kids will never meet their grand parents, etc.




.

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rbsremodeling

At 61 he was retired and literally gets to spend time with my younger sister. Drops her off to school, picks her up. Helps with homework.

No stress from work and bills so his patience has improved, I have never seen him yell at my sister ever. Even for stuff I would have gotten whopped for now it is funny to him.

He seems to be in a better place now and my younger siblings are benefiting from this. Older, Wiser and less stressed. He is also healthy as a horse.

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reveivl

Had a kid at 45, he's 7 now. All the downsides are certainly there about age at graduation etc. One thing that strikes me when I am hanging out with the often younger parents of his friends is that I have fewer stresses about career and work. I already know what I am 'going to do', because I've been doing it for decades. I think there is a level of stability in my life that doesn't necessarily exist in younger parents.

And all that wrasslin' and bike ridin' and throwin' balls keeps you young!!

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denick

May God Bless you and your family reveivl.

And I mean it!

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Nick

"Every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving" Albert Einstein

Tinstaafl

Sort of, anyway.

I was 38 when our first was born twenty years ago. His brother came along 13 months later. Then we learned what causes that and stopped.

Downsides: They don't remember their grandparents (all passed on now). We sort of lost all of our friends for a few years--they were into adult-oriented activities, with their kids already pretty well grown. Very little free babysitting, other than the occasional trade with a couple or two who were much younger than us, and therefore not really in our existing circle of friends (no other relatives in the area).

It was a really major adjustment for both my wife and I, who were long out of school and into the work world/whole adult no-kids lifestyle. And the first one was colicky, which meant very little sleep for the first few months. I think we could have weathered that much better if we'd been in our 20's. You know, back when you could party all night, go home and take a shower, and then go to work? :

On the bright side, I think being a bit older meant that we had more maturity and stability with which to temper the whole new parent thing. Both boys were readers by the time they were three, and basically have no problem with accomplishing anything they set their minds to.

But bottom line, I'd rather we had had them sooner. 'Course, we only met three years before that.

KentWhitten

I was 36 when my youngest was born. That was it for us. I can't put myself in those shoes of how I'd feel. I would say that age has nothing to do with it honestly. I think it's the same with everyone who has been approached by the wife with the look....

At first, you're like "OMG.....how am I going to handle this?"

Then after a few months, it's no big deal.

If you worry about this and that....you're going to stress yourself out over absolutely nothing, because you don't know.....you have no idea how it's going to come out, and you can't control it. Just flow with it and be fine with it.

And my hat's off to you Reveivl. Good for you.

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dayexco

i was 21 when daughter was born....25 when son was born...at 26 the doc and i had a 15 minute snip/snip visit in his office...i liked growing up with my kids. no thanks...personally, i wouldn't want any after 35, i'm 55 now, and have 3 1/4 grandkids, and can come go as, when i want. having kids is for young folk.

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someday, i'll be as patient as Nick.

ScipioAfricanus

Well I started at 45 and now I am 51 with two more kids, youngest is 13 mo. I had wanted to be a father since I was 18 and god and nature conspired against me until I met and married my second wife, a beautiful lass of now 37 years.

I have no pretensions of being able to retire any time soon. Hell, I don't want to retire, I love what I am doing now more than at any other time of my life. I also have the great fortune of coming from two very long lived families. Approximate average age of death from natural causes is about mid eighties. App. age of death from sclerosis of the liver, about 50,but I don't drink much.


I certainly don't regret my situation at all, hey, I gave three people life who otherwise would not have it and if I go to my reward before they are fully adult and are on their own they get about 300k apiece tax free!

I don't think I will let them know about that for a while yet.

Andy.

Cdat

Adopted 2 when we were 41 and the kids were 2 & 4. If the economy wasn't so bad, I'd adopt some more. They have given me more purpose in life.

Brock

It's all good until the principal calls you at work like my oldest boy's did today. Then it becomes not so good.

bob_cntrctr

Way to go, Scipio.

camaroman2125

I got that call last week from my oldest boy's principal. He got in trouble for busting another kid in the mouth after the other kid started to choke him. Went in to talk to the principal and my son was in there with him. He had hand marks around his neck, but the principal wouldn't believe my son. So he was going to have to serve a detention. All heck broke loose after that.

I asked if the other kid was going to be serving one too for choking my son, and was told no. I told the principal that if he didn't serve the other kid with one too my son wouldn't be there and he could kiss my A55 if he didn't like it. Now he is picking on my son for everything and threatening to give him more detentions for little crap. I called and told him if it didn't stop I would have my lawyer calling the school board.

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Bodger

I had my first child, my daughter, when I was 27. Fourteen years later, I had my son, now 12.
Two years ago, I was contacted by a woman I had dated briefly in 1994. She told me that unbeknownst to me, I had a son with her. She asked for nothing other than I at least attempt to have relationship with him, because she felt guilty for not finding me sooner and telling me.

DNA tests confirmed (99.999 %, I'll take it) that the boy , named Ben, was indeed my son. We have a great relationship now, and he and my other boy Jack are , well, like brothers.

So I'll be toting the not on these guys when I'm in my sixties, but what the hell.
To answer your question, it's great to have them at an older age. One thing I've always said about kids is that once you got them, you can't imagine not having them in your life, regardless of the circumstances. So it's all good.

smadax

I have 2 kids from a previous relationship now pre-teens. I've had another child with my current wife, he's now 3.5 yrs old. My current wife wants me to get snipped, but I'm 38 yrs old and still want at least one more.

Gary H

No more kids. I want my house back. I want to leave the house in the morning with a fridge full of food, and when I get home not have it cleaned out.

Muddauber

You will NEVER get your house back!

Trust me, I have 2 sons,31 & 27.