It's A Man's World

maj

It's a Man's World
How many men does it take to open a beer?

- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

- Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

- She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?

- It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?

- Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

- A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.

- I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!

- I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.

- It's called wedding cake.

Marriage is a three ring circus:

- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"

- I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.

- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?

- They want to.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."

- The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."

rino1494

Heard them all before, but still funny

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Life is hard. It is harder when you are stupid

Uncle Sam wants YOU....to speak ENGLISH

theworx

A post made by a guy who will never be intimate with his wife again (that is, if she's able to trace your activities). Heard some of them before, but still a good laugh!!!

WallElf

Gee, I've seen this before...just can't remember where...

Buff(the WallElf)

theworx

OK, I'll throw in a few (I've been seperated from my wife for five years and have no worries). She won't sleep with me anyways !!!!!

A guy sits down at a bus stop bench with a brown paper bag in hand. A drunk guy sits down beside him and asks "What's in the bag"?? He says: "I got a bottle of wine for my Wife". The drunk guy replies: "Good Trade"!!!


At a 40'th Anniversary party a guy walks up to the man of honour and says: "Congrats on being married for 40 years". The Husband responds: "I should have killed that B*TCH 40 years ago".. The guy responds: "But you would have been in prison for 40 years"?? The Husband reponds: "Yeah, but I'd be a free man tommorow"!!!!!

If you never want to get any, use this one. Q: Why do Women put on makeup and perfume??? A: Because they're ugly and smell bad !!!!!

And last. Q: Why do they call PMS, PMS??? A: Because the term "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken!!!

ProWallGuy

Why are divorces so expensive?




Because they are worth it.


Hey Buff!

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Wallpaper Hanger St. Louis
Digital Murals Installation

theworx

Where are the girls??? You can't just sit back and take this??? Get us back (I would love it)...

Stomkat

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it... though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator... (applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

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Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the leather straps...

WallElf

Here's another:

How many men does it take to replace a roll of toilet paper?

Who knows...it's never happened yet.

Buff

Stomkat

Here's my favorite:

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So that men can remember them.

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Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the leather straps...

theworx

Oh oh. Here we go with the Blonde jokes.

A Blonde and a Red head are walking in a mall when all of a sudden the Red head says "Oh Sh*T". The Blonde asks "What's wrong?" The Red head replies "I just saw my boyfriend in a flower shop buying me another dozen roses." The Blonde responds "What's wrong with that?" The Red head says "Now I'll be on my back with my legs spread for the next four days!!" The Blonde replies "Why, don't you have a vase?"

Stomkat

Got me started now!

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds eventually will mature.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

Why are married women usually heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

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Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the leather straps...

theworx

Great stuff !!!

Tom R

Great stuff there, Stom, - - uh-oh, - - seems like Patty 'n Purty got 'emselves a new recruit in the 'male abuse' department!!

And for any of you GUYS who don't mind gettin' YOURSELVES in a (little?) TRouble, - - next time a gal tells you she lost 10 pounds, - - try askin' her, - - "have you looked behind ya"??

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http://www.tr-built.com

maj

TROUBLE????? That sounds like suicide to me..

realpurty2

Hey Tom... how do you get rid of 240lbs of useless flab?

Buy him a construction business and send him out to work.

(I tried to stay silent, I really really did!)

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Woman in a Man's World.

theworx

They've come out with new pants for women that make their butts look more round and full. Oh great. Now when she asks "Do these pants make my butt look big?" How the hell are you supposed to respond? Any answer you come up with will be the wrong one!!

realpurty2

What's the best way to make any man look better immediately??
Put a woman beside him.

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Woman in a Man's World.

WallElf

I always heard it was:

"How can a man get rid of excess flab...?"

"cut off his (insert appropriate body part here)."

Guess it depends on what mood you're in...

Buff

Tom R

Hmmm, - - knew you'd be around soon, - - What do 80,000 American 'battered women' have in common??


They DON'T LISTEN!!

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