Cross Roads II

Bone Saw

well i never I never thought id post this here , but here goes. i have been with the woman who i cant stand to be away from for the last 2 years and im incredibly troubled. nothing as in absolutely nothing i can do of say can make her trust me, ive done nothing to hurt her. but its like everytime we get closer things get more and more messed up. this has been a helluva year for me between 3 months in the hopital with my son evan, planning a kitesurf surfari with my best bro for brazil which i had to bail on last minute to the detriment of our friendship, to bad marrige proposal. we planned a labor day getaway to our favorite place st michaels md which i couldnt go through with out of principal for having to comprimise my friendship, lose 2k on a prepaid trip to brazil, now i cant bring myself to talk to her because im pissed about all of this. i want things to be right between us, but i cant bring myself to chase her down after i made a huge sacrifice which we cannot see eye to eye on. i dont want to let things to slip away, but i dont want to resent her for this or have to make a comprimise like this again. should i just for get about it, i dont want to, but i just cant bring myself to accept the hipocracy in her demands, accusations. i am truley not sure weather to break down or stay strong and move on

Chris Johnson

Personal situation...don't come here for advice on this stuff...don't want to sound cold, but to each their own, we don't know her or the situation, I suggest you erase the above and look elsewhere, no chance of getting the right answer here.

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Chris

Cdat

The question stands on if you really want her or if she is just an easy 'piece'. Women change every time the wind blows. Either accept her for who she is or grow a pair of balls and dump her @$$.

dougchips

If this is the same chick you brought to Vegas then my vote is the same as the last time that you had issues with her. Put her on the plane to Brazil without a passport and hope that she likes the place.

mickeyco

I recommend couples counseling.

I don't want be to blame for what I advise, but I'd get out of Dodge. I went out with a gal that didn't trust me, used to check my answering machine and all types of crazy stuff, eventually I gave her reasons not to trust me, her daughter and I are now happily engaged.


.

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Some people climb mountains. I take out the trash. But we both do it for the same reason.

MALCO.New.York

Codependency is a MoFo!

And that IS what you are suffering from.

You Can NOT get away because you think you can NOT live without her and yet you can NOT stand the things she Makes you do (Bushiiit! Only YOU can make YOU do anything). I bet you, somewhere inside, think you could NEVER get a chick like this again!

Do you know that there exists only TWO core fears and ALL other fears are sub-parts of these two?

These fears are as follows:

1. Fear of the unknown.

and get this......

2. Fear of loss.


You are trapped inside a self-realized delusion, orchestrated by an irrational sense of both of these fears.


So hang on and go down with the ship or let it go COMPLETELY and grieve, jones, cry, want, need, pine, freak out for a period and then get better.

It is your call.

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Something to One may be Nothing to another!

Ultimate Wisdom---------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW-cnizLDEE

Tom R

People who have no trust in others base those fears on knowing themselves.

MALCO.New.York

Oh! So! True!

__________________
Something to One may be Nothing to another!

Ultimate Wisdom---------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW-cnizLDEE

Cdat

Prove it! I'd not trust what yous is saying!

Ed the Roofer

Wow!!!

Malco and Tom R have some keen insight into the core issues.

They are both dead-on right.

What would Dear Abby say?

Really, think about the advice that an unbiased neutral party would state.

Acceptance is the key. If either one of you can not accept who the other one is, unconditionally, this will be a repetitive cycle.

Doctor, Doctor.....Every time I do This, it hurts right here.

Well, then Stop doing that.

or, from what I learned about myself through 12 steps.

One definition of Insanity is continuing to do things the same way, but expecting different results.

Now, if both of you truly care about your potential long term relationship, couples and even individual counseling should be sought out.

What? A guy who needs counseling? Thats blasphemy and a bunch of BS!!!

Actually, it is NOT. It is a sign of strength to correct the character defects that self perpetuate themselves to assist in creating this situation and the repeated cycles.

I care, but it is yours and hers decision to act on the relationship and do something about the shortcomings.

Ed

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Grumpyplumber

ABSOLUTELY!

If your with someone who doesn't trust you, that says it all.

I been with gals that use the "I was hurt before" line, all to develope a relationship that revolves around her rules of insecurity & distrust.

If you think you can have a future with someone who expects you to live by rule of their fear & insecurity, think again.

Better to nip it in the bud early than to spend years in misery and then have to nip it in the bud with all that time and emotion invested.

Bone Saw

brazil 08

rbsremodeling

Ok How do you go to Brazil the Sin city capitol, come back and post pics of you air surfing??? WTF did they round up all 6 million of the girls while you where there??

It's going to be along time before I click on another one of your post buddy.

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Bone Saw

you're thinking of rio/southern brazil, we were in northern brazil (couple k mile difference), desert surf wasteland, not much of anything but sand and wind, did some soul searching on this run, have been 100% loyal to my lady, unfortunately its over with us, 2 years in the toilet for nothing

darienite

You gave up a kite boarding trip to Brazil?! If you are not in a relationship where the woman is supportive of you doing things which make you happy and maintaining healthy friendships with people other than her...then sorry to say man....get RID of her! Support and Trust are so important....without that you have nothing bro. Good luck.

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be good and you will be lonesome, be lonesome and you will be free. Live a lie and you'll live to regret, thats what living is to me.

TimNJ

Bone Saw snap out of it! That should read FORTUNATELY for ME it's over.

You will realize one day what a mess you could have really been in if you continued down that path....divorce, 1/2 of everything, who knows what else. You probably couldn't go to Brazil again not because you got nagged not to go, but because you would be too broke to go.

The hottest tail around isn't worth it if you have to beg and grovel for it.

Sportbilly

I know it's too late, unfortunately, but I have to add something, and it works for everyone.

Quit saying "sacrifice". If you're prepared to give something up for a relationship, it's on a cost-benefit basis, you do it because the cost is worth it for the benefit. "Sacrificing" things for the relationship is a guilt-trip disguised as "I'm such a nice guy".

We all need to be honest and own up to the fact that we all give up stuff, but we do it because we keep something we need more, for instance, we give up the new toolshed with stained concrete floors, for peace in the house, which if it's a good relationship, may well be a good deal, or it might not, but calling it a sacrifice is a good way to start the downward spiral. (prob a bad place for that example lol)

MALCO.New.York

Did you get some tail in those two years??????

Taint time wasted!!!

__________________
Something to One may be Nothing to another!

Ultimate Wisdom---------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW-cnizLDEE

TimNJ

.....and you have a son who is now happily engaged to her mother.

Who are you, Bill Wyman from the Rolling Stones??

mickeyco

No, I made that part up, I did go out with a gal, for several years, that had real trust issues, it ended badly, it should have ended long before it did, I learned a valuable lesson, get out at the first sign of unrepairable trouble.


.

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Some people climb mountains. I take out the trash. But we both do it for the same reason.