My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.

 
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Old 10-30-2017, 10:46 AM   #1
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My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


I have been around carpentry and roofing all of my life. From building homes and shops, to major exterior and interior remodels, to hundreds of sq. Of roofing in a season. I graduated college with a Building Construction Technology degree, I have been working with dad in the summers since I was 12 up until I finished college. My dad and I have always had a problem working together. Its not that he is hard on me, I have a lot of drive and always push for production. We have a lot of communication issues. I try to discuss jobs with him and he wont answer his phone, he is rarely at the jobs which is understood if he was doing estimates in that time. If I try to talk to him in person he gives me a hard time. I am trying to help this business grow even further, as that is what I want and my dad wants, but this isn't going to work out. I have done so much to try to make this business grow. I can't help further this business with him when we can't even talk to each other regardless if its boss to employee or father to son. I am going through a lot of stress and depression right now with my father. I really can't stand being around him. We have always had some relationship issues.

I have worked for other contractors before in the past because there were times I couldn't stand working for my dad. I would go through misery all summer in a mental state. I enjoyed working for other contractors but I always ended up leaving after 4-6 months as my dad was desperate for a lead. I felt bad and figured he needs my help. But things always run downhill between us and our relationship. We do good work, have a great name, and have done a lot of big jobs together. But I cannot stand working for him, I have tried and tried to mentally keep myself sane. I am now thinking of next season as I don't want to go through another year of stress and depression with my dad. So here are my options that each have their own pros and cons. I'd like to know what others think, any responses would be appreciated.

1. Continue to work for my dad, and go through the stress and depression that bogs me down and makes the summers so mentally painful, to continue that "father and son" picture that customers like to see, but deep down its an unhealthy situation.

2. Work for another contractor. I have left my dad twice for these same reasons to work for other contractors. The experience was great, the contractors I worked for really liked my skill and work ethic, and I always got raises quickly. I am a lead carpenter whether working for dad or anyone else. The pro of this is I won't go through the stress with my dad and we can salvage some of our relationship. The cons are I will be working for my dads competition.

3. Start my own business. This is something I have always wanted to do. I have done a lot of my own side work while working for my dad. There is so much more reward from doing a job as the business owner. To get $3500 in a week versus $700 from doing the same work, but doing additional after work estimates or paperwork sounds absolutely worth it to me. This has always been my goal. I have a good amount of capital to be able to pursue this. The pro of this is making real money, being my own boss, and not dealing with the stress my father gives me. The cons are creating a new kind of stress being a business owner, and becoming my fathers competition in a small city.

I have seen some local contractors who were once father and son, split up and do their own thing. I am unsure how that effects the relationship. All I know is the relationship between my dad and I cannot get much worse than it is. I feel even though I am not working for him, but for myself, that it may help salvage our father to son relationship.

My father has raised me and taught me a lot, and I will always appreciate that. But our relationship is horrible. It hurts us both mentally. We cannot communicate at all. But I love doing this work, I just no longer want to do it with my dad. I also really don't want to just be that guy working by the hour for his competition. I have a lot more potential than that. I really would like to run my own company but its a big move in this situation after knowing the cons. But the pros seem to balance it out. And not having to stress and depress with my dad preserves a lot of my energy.

Any thoughts or suggestions?
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Old 10-30-2017, 12:03 PM   #2
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Sounds like you two need couples therapy

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Old 10-30-2017, 12:11 PM   #3
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Go in, shake his hand and give him 2 weeks. Simple as that. Not going to work like yall are now. He doesn't want you to grow HIS business it doesn't sound like.

Who knows maybe later. I partnered up with my dad after working for other contractors for about 9 years. Would of bet 1000 dollars that would never happen when I left after high school.
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Old 10-30-2017, 12:14 PM   #4
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


This is your first post?

This is what is wrong about the internet. How do we know anything about your relationship.

You could be a sissy, he could be an ass, you could be dumb as a rock and he could be a genius. How the frick do we know?

I didn't bother to read it even. Your personal life is none of my business.

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Old 10-30-2017, 12:35 PM   #5
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


I heard there's a Jerry Springer something-or-other, TV show I think, where people go to air their private life.

Working for yourself isn't just getting $3500 vs $700. It's a lot more work, and a little thing we like to call "overhead". Plus materials. And profit. And employee labour, and labour burden. And on and on.


Other than that, I got nothin'.





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Old 10-30-2017, 12:43 PM   #6
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Sounds like you've made up your mind, so time to do as John says and move on. I would give him a little more notice than two weeks, unless he makes those extra weeks a living hell for you. I remember one time an employee gave me 5 weeks (all I needed) after telling me he was leaving for a larger company with great benefits...No hard feelings, really helped me out at the time, still friends to this day. The company thought him showing loyalty to a previous employer was a big character move and was happy to wait. Your Dad may be screwed if you leave him short handed. I'd tell him you'll give him an entire month to 6 weeks if he wants but be firm about your specific last day. If he squanders that time, that's on him, not you as you made a good faith effort to help him. You can use this time to line up work and schedule out so you leave the gate at full speed. 4-6 weeks also gives you plenty of time to shop insurances, deal with licenses, secretary of state and anything else your state requires.
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Old 10-30-2017, 12:46 PM   #7
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


The guy is depressed, venting and unloading. It's not the best way to go about it, but anyway.

One problem is he might be holding his dad's business afloat as a productive worker who is willing to take this ____, and feels guilty if it slides again. That's a tough one.

OP, seek some local counseling. Good luck, seriously.

Last edited by MarkJames; 10-30-2017 at 12:49 PM.
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Old 10-30-2017, 01:16 PM   #8
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Why is this place becoming the Dr. Phil forum for contractors?
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Old 10-30-2017, 01:36 PM   #9
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Quote:
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Why is this place becoming the Dr. Phil forum for contractors?
Lie down and tell us more. Start wherever you like.
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Old 10-30-2017, 08:33 PM   #10
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Just show him your first post... probably make it easier on the both of you while at the same time show him you want a better father/son relationship...

But don't kid yourself, working for yourself is much more than a paycheck... Hopefully you have the capital to fund a start-up if you go that route...
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Old 10-30-2017, 09:14 PM   #11
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


your dad may not feel like you are worthy to be 'part' of his business. if you have the degree you said, did he foot the bill for it?

i'm curious what your pay scale is with your dad as compared to working for other contractors. he may feel he's paying you too much and you don't deserve the respect of picking up the phone or maybe he's paying you too little which is why he's bailed out when you return, an artificially low labor figure.

if you are serious about your future and have already had a serious talk with your dad about the future desire for the business, give notice like Jaws said and move on. Work for another contractor and learn what you don't know. if you have drive, begin learning the other aspects of the business as you work for someone who has a good business model.
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Old 10-30-2017, 11:20 PM   #12
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


My son has worked with me since he was four or five. I had a lot to learn and wanted to teach him how to do things no one ever showed me.

When I was saying 'you need to do it like x' what he heard was 'you're doing it wrong and you're not good at it.' What I meant was 'I love you and I want you to have something that I never had and I think with my guidance we could learn a lot together and do well together.'

Hes 17 and he recently got his first real job working a cash register. He said he likes it because he's "good at it." And I got the feeling he was saying that was something I never made him feel. That was my failure with him; not that I didn't try to give him those 'you did it!' moments, with him they just didn't seem to sink in.

Being a father is hard; its a finesse skill that takes about twenty or thirty years to learn. The early emotional patterns you set with your child resonate throughout their lives in a way they do not understand; they just underlie everything.

Have patience with your father. I guarantee he has had patience with you.
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Old 10-30-2017, 11:29 PM   #13
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


My sons are not going to work for me once they graduate. I am more likely to work for them than the other way. Everyone needs to know what its like to get yelled at by someone else's dad.
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Old 10-30-2017, 11:36 PM   #14
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Move out and away to a far away land and find your own way.
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Old 10-31-2017, 08:26 AM   #15
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


I got along better with my parents once I moved out.
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Old 10-31-2017, 08:53 AM   #16
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Maybe he wants you to take off but can't use those words so does the hard time routine instead. Who knows, nobody here ....unless your dad is here bitchin about his son?
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Old 10-31-2017, 09:32 AM   #17
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Move on.
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Old 10-31-2017, 09:52 AM   #18
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Quote:
Originally Posted by avenge View Post
Why is this place becoming the Dr. Phil forum for contractors?
Because folks come here and see all these posts by all these geniuses and figure they can ask them anything!





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Old 10-31-2017, 10:26 AM   #19
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Quote:
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Because folks come here and see all these posts by all these geniuses and figure they can ask them anything!





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Old 10-31-2017, 10:55 AM   #20
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Re: My Dad Owns A Construction Business, I Am His Son. Poor Father And Son Relationship.


Read the book 'How To Win Friends and Influence People. It is a life changer. I read most books 2 to 3 times to get the most out of them.

Maybe, your dad is burned out and he does not want to work. You can read the book and try to change yourself, but you can't force people to work who are tired of working.

I used to be motivated, able to work 48 hours without sleep and was very creative. Now, I am older, try to go to sleep before 10:30, wake up up tired and I don't feel like thinking about being creative. I tend to be more lazy about leaving my office to go into the field. While you may be able to get me motivated for short periods, you don't have the power to change my body and brain from not wanting to work as hard as I used to.

But, that is not what the book is about.

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