Most Memorable Excuse For Being Late, Absent Etc..

HgWhiz

My uncle told me he called in and said he had to get 4 new tires because his goat chewed off all the valve stems on his tires. I reckon after the goat yanked the first one he must have liked it when the air blowed on his face so did all the tires.

silvertree

I fired a real winner when he said
"I can't come in because my girlfriends best friends grandmother died".

"His grandmother had already died twice".

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Darwin

I told the boss " I got into an accident with a possum. Out of nowhere, here comes this ugly furker walkin close to me in my back yard where I had let the grass grow up too tall".

It hissed and I tripped over a shovel that I was carrying and gouged a 3 inch chunk of skin out of my leg. The possum ran off and I had to get 10 stitches.

Didn't have to go in that day...

skyhook

His cat had depression so he had to stay home and babysit it.

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shanekw1

"I just finished my last vodka about 10 min ago."

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ChainsawCharlie

"I got arrested. Can you come bail me out?"

BobsLandscaping

Being in Hawaii I guess you call Dog to post the bond?

shanekw1

HAHA Dog, that dudes not right somehow.

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knucklehead

I had a woman working for me years ago, and she was really good help and dependable. She didn't show up on day and I didn't call or anything , I figured she had a good reason to not be there.
Next day she comes in , told me she dropped her keys down the elevator shaft. I never questioned that. You can't make that up.

BobsLandscaping

I like Dog. Somehow he manages to represent everything that's right and wrong with this country at the same time.

shanekw1

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naptown CR

Now that really fu*king hurts kind of like the what about mary thing




I had a friend that blew off work to go to the Cubs game and they called him while he was at the game to tell him they were watching him on TV.

Hard to get by that one



.






.[/quote]

Now that takes an iron set

ChainsawCharlie

That was when I lived in Phoenix.

And I was the one making the call.

(gambling house raid)

Ouch

Had a guy call and say that very early in the morning he saw a coyote out the bedroom window of his girlfriends house (semi-rural)......so he shot it out the window from about 250 yards away with a .22 cal rifle. YES, you read that correctly.

He buried it a mile back in the woods and would not have been late but the girlfriends got the willies with the carcass being so "close" so he went back, dug it up, and buried it TWO miles out in the woods.

I said, "fine, tomorrow bring me a coyote that's been dead for about 24 hours".......not believing him but willing to have some fun with it. He comes in the next day and says that his girlfriend STILL had the willies even after he reburied it, and after he finally left for work the previous day she had "tracked back into the woods 2 miles with a garbage bag and a shovel, dug it up, carried it back to the house and put it in the garbage can".

He met me with a dull blank stare when I asked why he didn't just grab the bag and just bring it with him. Still game, I told him to call her and ask her to pull it out so he could bring in a coyote that was about 48 hours dead the NEXT day. He called......came back to me and said, "bad news, garbage truck just picked it up and left."

Scribbles

I used to call in dead every few months, but i used to bill over 3000 hours in a year so my boss would just ask me if i would be alive the next day. Never had a vaca day or sick day in 12 years though. Just 1-3 dead days a year.

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RobertCDF

The text exchange this morning word for word, I told him he had to tell my partner as well since they would be working together today.

employee
" I dont think im gonna be able to work today i was on my way and i just crapped all over myself i thought i just had to fart but i was wrong."

during this time I am laughing hard then the next one comes in.

employee
" If you really need me i can go after i take a shower but id rather not chance it"

I figured if he was willing to admit this he deserved the day off.

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Robert Shaw
Colorado Springs Custom Decks
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TempestV

I worked with a guy for a while that disappeared for two weeks and came back. It was right near Christmas, and a lot of us were leaving town for the week between Christmas and New Years. A few of the guys were staying around though, and this guy said he would be there. He doesn't show up the day after Christmas, and nobody can seem to get a hold of him for 2 weeks, when he shows up at work like nothing ever happened. His reason for missing work? He forgot that he had to go to work for 2 straight weeks. He was a pretty sharp kid the few times he showed up without chemical influences, but most of the time he had to give it a minute of thought to remember which end of the broom went up (not joking). The boss was ridiculously easy going and let him back on, but a week later he must have completely forgot that he had a job, because he stopped showing up completely, and didn't even show up to pick up his last check. About a month later, someone saw him pushing a broom at a jiffy-lube.

stuart45

We used to have a hod carrier who was a really good worker, but was not over endowed with brain cells. When we went round to pick him up one morning, he wasn't sitting on the wall smoking as usual so we knocked on the door and asked his wife where he was. She said he'd been arrested that morning for breaking into the local TV shop in the village.
He used to get drunk at the local pub and to think it was a good idea to sling a concrete block through the window and steal some TV's. He'd done this a few times and been caught every time, and even spent some time at Her Majesty's leisure for it.
However this time, because everyone knew that Wally used to rob the shop, some different thieves did the job and threw the old boxes into his front garden.
When the police found out the shop had been robbed they when straight round to his house, saw the boxes and arrested him.
The boss thought it was really funny and even paid him for the day, even though we couldn't get him till midday.
The police decided that even Wally wouldn't be that stupid to leave the boxes in his garden.

woodworkbykirk

last week i slept in. i was planning on going in and then the boss calls me at 730, he didnt know i was coming in but was asking because someone else on the crew was a no show (saturday morn) im the guy whos always early and never misses, told him yup coming in but not til 8am to give the ho and neighbors a break from the noise early on. boss was cool with it

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putting down subfloor with glue and screws, well i saw dr. smith and the robot too , i had a martian burger and a sonic shake

Wolfgang

Years ago when I first met my wife, (who is a Drug and Alcohol Counselor), she was saying how the guys finishing the in-treatment drug program really needed someone to give them a chance. I was extremely busy at that time, so I interviewed them and hired three. Helped them to buy their "set-ups" and amazingly they worked out extremely well....for the first 3 weeks anyway.

Got a call at 1:45 am one Sunday from the city jail; it was one of the guys who was picked up for DUI wanting to know if I'd bail him out. Told him I would have to think about it. About 45 min later I get another call from the city jail and it's one of the jailers. He asked to talk to the wife so I woke her and put her on the phone. Seems the other two guys were found passed out on a sidewalk in front of a bar. Didnt bail them out either. Funny, over all the years she has never brought up the subject of hiring "program" guys again. Not one of the three showed up for work after that and I had to mail their checks to relatives.

I've had guys not show up after hiring them and guys who quit after a day or two.

One of the lamest for being late was a guy who said he had to stop at the paint store to buy new brushes because his dog chewed the handles off. Sure enough he had new brushes, but I always thought it was a load of bs....until one of my dogs chewed the handle off of a brand new brush. He still works for me 15 years later.

Before I owned my own business and was working for others, I cant recall ever not showing up or calling in sick, though I was sent home a couple times for being sick.