Most Memorable Excuse For Being Late, Absent Etc..

HgWhiz

[ 7.00 am on the job] Boss says "What the hell are you doing here this morning I fired you yesterday remember" . Employee says " Ah man I thought you was joking ". Boss says OK, whatever, I guess you can go to work just hurry up and get out of my sight before I change my mind.

nlgutters

(Employee) Boss i;m not gonna be able to make it in today.
(Boss) Why not?
Employee) I can't see.
(boss) what do you mean you cant see
(employee) yah, i can't see myself coming in this morning!

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HgWhiz

nice one

loneframer

I used to work with a guy name of Melvin, who was always late and always had a questionable excuse. One day he calls the boss and says he'll be late because a cat was stuck in his fanbelt pulley. Bossman say's "Get your ass here in 15 minutes or your fired." 15 minutes later, Melvin pulls up, car screaching, smoke pouring out from under the hood. One hell of a job getting that cat dislodged from the pulley.Melvin kept his job, again.

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Warren

Guy comes in 2 hrs late. Says he went to medicine cabinet and chugged cough medicine then found out it was flea shampoo. Spent 1/2 hr on phone with poison control. Some stuff you just can't make up

His coat sure was shiny though.

WisePainter

Painters...jail.

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Splinter

Floor guy... in jail for possession of cocaine.

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Long Island Remodeling Contractor

rbsremodeling

Got the skin of my wee wee stuck in my zipper

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SLSTech

Along the same lines
Employee --- Boss I'm not gonna be able to make it in today.
Boss --- Why not?
Employee --- I have anal glaucoma
Boss --- Anal glaucoma?
Employee --- Yep, I can't see my ass coming in today

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ModernStyle

I used to always use the same excuse on my old boss, " Cant make it in today Boss got some personal business to take care of"
"What business"
"thats personal" then quickly hang up.
I was the worst about showing up in my early 20's, I was good at my job, which is why the boss kept me, but I pissed him off to no end.
"When I hired you I told you I was gonna need 40 hours from you"
Me " Oh you meant a week?"
He was pretty easy going on the attendance though, we once had a guy go missing for like 2 months then just show up one day with his lunch in his hand asking me why he had no time card.

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WarnerConstInc.

How about one for materials that are late, like cabinets?

My buddy has a line of cabinets he gets from China, I use the crap out of them in rentals.

Any way, the cabinets have not shown up, they are like 3 or 4 weeks late, I call and ask what is going on.

He says, the damn Olympics were holding up shipping!!

Come to find out he told like 5 different people that!!

Darren@Partners

One guy claimed to have a funeral in Iowa to attend, his mom's sister. Worked the first two times, third time told him not to come back without a copy of the obit.

ModernStyle

Best one I have ever heard was the next day when I asked a guy why he didn't come in he told me that his grandma's squirrel had bit him. I accepted it, no questions asked.
Same guy once called me at 3 a.m. to tell me he just found out he had court in the morning, it was a sunday night and the next day was a holiday, MLK day or something, so there was no way he got an order for court delivered on a sunday to appear the following day which was a holiday, but he swore it was true.

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JLTrim

I hired a guy a few years ago who I thought was a pretty good trimmer, fast, experienced, plenty of tools... I paid him hourly as a helper at first but soon he was out trimming on his own doing piece-work, making much better money.

He trimmed about 5 small homes for me with no problems and suddenly went AWOL on the last. Wasn't at the jobsite and wouldn't answer his phone.

I ended up driving to his house because he had one of my generators in his truck, had to make sure I got that back. Sure enough, he was laying around at home. He told me he refused to trim the house because the doors weren't split-jambs like the first 5 jobs... Lazy SOB. Would've taken him an extra 30 minutes, tops, but instead he decided to not get paid at all.

480sparky

My tires were frozen to my driveway.

I couldn't fit my bag of chips into my lunch cooler, so I had to go shopping for a larger cooler.

I'm getting evicted next week, and needed to go make some money to pay the rent.

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Site : the area or exact plot of ground on which anything is, has been, or is to be located.
Sight : The power or faculty of seeing; perception of objects by use of the eyes; vision.
Cite : To mention in support, proof, or confirmation; refer to as an example.

ChrWright

Used to have a guy that came down with "bottle fever" on a pretty regular basis...

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homework

That actually happened to me before, years ago. Had a Trans Am when I was in high school, one morning I started it, terrible noise and smell,what a mess.

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BattleRidge

I had this guy(not a good employee anyway) tell me he had the flu and couldnt come in. Well it got nasty out by like 9 so me and my partner went skiing, where we go we hike back country, and we ran into the kid up there and he said he was sweating it out

The next day he called in and said he slipped on the ice and hit his face on his bumper and felt like ****. I told him not to bother coming back. Then I saw him about 5 days later and half his face was still purple and he had stitches over his eye and it was so puffy.

Dustyrose

I was standing at the desk one morning when one of the guys came mosing in a few hours late. When the boss asked where he'd been the guy reached into his back pocket and produced a flyer from the bar he attended the night before. The flyer read, "LADIES NIGHT"

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mickeyco

I called into work and told them I was attacked by a pack of squirrels and they were still outside waiting for me and wouldn't leave (I'm not kidding that's what I told them), my legs were cut up from something (maybe motocross racing or something), I went in the next day and showed them the cuts, most the people knew I was lying but a few bought it.

At the same job I called in and told them I couldn't make it in because I was in Florida (lived and worked in Illinois at the time), I really was, it was a last minute trip, they didn't fire me, I eventually had to quit.



I had a friend that blew off work to go to the Cubs game and they called him while he was at the game to tell him they were watching him on TV.



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