Life/Work Balance...

snapper21

How are you (married) guys/gals doing it? I ran my own show for 11 years but 3 yrs. after getting married was given the ultimatum of marrying the bus. or keeping my family. Between putting on a show all day and setting up the future shows in the evening there really wasn't much "quality" time left at the end of the day. Now I work a Union gig that really can't be beat (high 3 avg. 92k) but it's a battle to stay awake all day, and that bothers me. I only have to work mon through thurs. so I've been paying the mortg. and supporting my racing with contracting the remaining week. Now the season has hit and the jobs are lining up to a point that I'm allready booked through the summer. As it's been the last 5 years, this is where I slip into a depression of sorts. How do you find the time to give to the family without hiring thieves to help you with the time? Wifey knows I want back in, but I'm lacking a plan to sell it to her.

Glasshousebltr

Thats a chicken or the egg question. Work long, family reaps the comfort. Work short, rain hits moma and the kiddies.

I just work long and wear ear plugs at home.

Bob

__________________
Bob

Kristina

What kind of racing? Is it something the whole family is involved in?

Which season? Racing or Building?

I don't know if it will be this way forever, but work slows down *dramatically* over the winter for us. Not because we WANT it to, just nothing comes in. He's home with us pretty much from December through the end of March.

The kids and I understand the nature of the beast and know that Daddy isn't around much in the spring/summer/fall. We keep busy and make a trip to the beach as a family every weekend we can.

He is the opposite of you. He slips into a depression when he DOESN'T have any work. He works well under pressure. The thing is, it REALLY becomes his sole focus and trying to redirect his attention back to us for even a little while puts him in a foul ass mood. Eh, it's something we're working on.

Looking at your situation and not knowing how old the kids are, I'd be a bit annoyed with you.

Your "real job" pays your bills and it sounds like a pretty good living (92k ain't too shabby!) and it affords you a 4 day work week.

But you're telling me you work extra to pay for your racing hobby? Which takes away from your family unless they are involved in the racing.

I'm not saying no one can have a hobby, but if you yourself are getting upset about your lack of time for your family, maybe you could reconsider a different hobby?

My husband fishes. I fish. The kids fish. We love the beach. Dream of owning a beach house and boat so we can all play together. If he was working extra to pay for that kind of stuff, I would be in full support and I'm sure the kids would too. If he's taking time away from us to pay for a hobby that only serves him, I'd be a bit bugged.

I have no specific advice for you but I hope you're able to reconcile this in yourself and with your family.

__________________

Melissa

Do I have this right? With the union job, you work M-Th and are home at a decent time and make awesome money, but you want to go back to working for yourself?

maj

I made a vow to myself and family 10 years ago when I went out on my own. I vowed that the wife and kids (4) would come first. I will quit early to attend school events, I absolutely don't work Sundays, and try not to work all day Saturdays. I am available almost every night of the week for quality & quantity time with the family. I get up early to do office work, on the jobsite by 7 or 7:30 (depending on season), and quit for the day at 5 or 5:30. I get home to a good homecooked supper, (my wife is awesome, she spoils me!), and ALWAYS eat at least one meal (if not 2) with the whole family. This is our "how was your day" time.

We don't need to live the "high standard" life some people think they must have. It is not important to us to have all the "toys" (boat,snowmobile,cabin,etc.) that many seem to think they need in order to have fun. Our family, & extended families are very close and we enjoy our time together.

For me, it was a no brainer, FAMILY is much more important than money or soacial status.

pwrpapa

There's something about calling your own shots that just eat away at us construction type's.

vinylguy

drop the racing knuckle head! thats a no brainer what a dumb ass ? to post when your taking your free time to race! sound to me like you should leave and just shack up with your buddys then you can race m-t and work on the week-ends!

snapper21

Dropping racing isn't an option, track days are usually on a thurs. when I can use vacation or slickleave, and I own two track bikes, and enough gear to fill a trailer. But I'll accept the knucklehead title.
The money can be matched or beaten, but bene's will take a while to match. Those arent really the issue. I'm a carpenter not because it's all I can do but because it's what I enjoy and it's what i've put alot of time and care into learning right. I still get my fix on the weekends with downscaled jobs now but it's just tough. Hard to explain, nevermind.

Oh, and to the previous questions: "the season" referred to the breakout for carpentry.

I used to do the outdoor jobs in spring/summer/fall, and bank basement's, cabinets and such for winter. worked out well and downtime was little. Don't know if ends would meet with that much downtime.

Melissa

No trust me, I wasn't getting at that. I just wanted to see if I had the story straight.

Kristina

Dropping racing isn't an option, track days are usually on a thurs. when I can use vacation or slickleave, and I own two track bikes, and enough gear to fill a trailer. But I'll accept the knucklehead title.

May I be so bold as to ask why not? Having the stuff to do it with doesn't mean you HAVE to. You could sell the bikes and equipment.


The money can be matched or beaten, but bene's will take a while to match. Those arent really the issue. I'm a carpenter not because it's all I can do but because it's what I enjoy and it's what i've put alot of time and care into learning right. I still get my fix on the weekends with downscaled jobs now but it's just tough. Hard to explain, nevermind.

You said originally that the *extra* work pays for your racing. If you didn't have the racing, you'd need *less* income.

If you do the work on the side, just for mad money, why take on so many? How did you allow yourself to get booked every weekend of the summer? These were choices YOU made, I can't say I feel sorry for you if you're missing your family. You can't have it all.


I used to do the outdoor jobs in spring/summer/fall, and bank basement's, cabinets and such for winter. worked out well and downtime was little. Don't know if ends would meet with that much downtime.

Ideally, that's what we'd do, unfortunately we're just not that busy. In fact ends are barely reaching. He's got nothing lined up right now and only a couple smaller projects in the works. If a basement came through right now, he wouldn't be putting it off.

__________________

IHI

I have to laugh my azz off at the racing excuse. I've literally dropped a touch over $100K the past 4 yrs building, modifiying, updating my car. and that also includes expsenses of a new set of slicks every month, fuel to go to any track that was open when my home track did not have a points event, hotels, food both at the track and out of town stay over's. The reason I'm laughing at your sorry excuse is beacause it's lame to say the least since I've been there done that, have tons of equpiment dedicated for the sole purpose of racing only and doing well at that, but guess what?? It's all taking the back burner for awhile so I can try and make the most of what little time I get with the family during the summer months.

It was'nt soo bad the first 3 yrs my daughter came into our life since she was too young to really comprehend why daddy was'nt home, and my wife was very understanding of letting me go with the boys out of town/state many weekends leaving her behind to chase the money, even when she would come to the track it was no fun for her since I needed to get in a mental zone to stay competative at this level so even when she came, I was there for her in body, but not in mind...and she understood why. I've never been given an ultimatum and through self reflection of what's truely important in light of recent illness of my wife one thing shouts loud and clear....the races and tracks will ALWAYS be there, but the times you miss with your family will not, so if you are a smart man that enjoy's your 100% salary, work your union job, cut back on the carpentry rip raft and enjoy the FAMILY around you since it can all be taken from you in an instant. Sure you'll miss out of the typical guy stuff that goes on at the track-mainly bull****ting and beer drinking, but push your wife too far and you wont be able to afford that.

I still plan to hit a track every pnce in awhile and try to get back to my roots of having fun instead of having to win to justify the expenses, something I lost sight of yr #2 when my "hobby" became a job.

All your doing is hurting your family, even if right now it's now showing itself. I grew up with an alcholic step dad that went fishing every waking minute he was'nt working so i had no father figure at home, moved in with my grandparents and learned what family values are really about, if your truely unable to grasp the concept, think real quick if you cut your annual wages in half would you be able to enjoy everything as it is currently??

I'm like Kristina, winters are very slow, I hit a depression period every winter and the older I get the tougher it is to work out of. Sucks having to every year work out of a hole to get to ground zero before profits start to show up, so Dec-April I'm not a very personable person. Then the rest of the year I'm usually not around much between feild work, then doing estimates almost nightly and getting home around 8-9pm and in the office until 11pm-12am and starting all over at 6am. You have no idea how lucky you truely are, but it's obvious you need a reality check since your coming across like a spoiled kid...."cant give up racing? WTF

__________________
Hot Rod Work Van
Car video clip
Web
The Photo Gear- Type Josh into Contact name when ordering

snapper21

1.) I've been running the track a good part of my life and that's not just a hobby, but a lifestyle. Ask Dr. Phil how healthy it would be for me to quit. That's neither here nor there anyway.

2.) It makes enough to cover the things I/we do. But that's not to say the 9-5 doesn't. My financial responsibilities are small.

3.) Not so much for mad money but so I can beat on a few nails. These are friends of previous clients, or previous clients that have come to me. True, I could turn them down, but why? In my opinion I spend plenty of time with my family and needing more time with them wasn't an issue with the way I'm running things now, that was the issue my wife had with running a business. My compromise was early days getting home if I continued on my days off. That paragraph was left fieldish. Where in the original post was I asking for a hanky? Guess I worded something wrong.

4.) Sorry to hear that, hope business picks up. Thats the good thing about the NoVa area. There's more jobs than there are contractors. Contractors get booked so fast that they start throwing outlandish bids at clients and will drop a lesser job if the bid is accepted. Fairfax County seems to have alot of people with plans and money. Alot of traveling wilbury's and hacks putting company names on their trucks around here, which is how I get most of my work. With alot of customers they'd rather put off a job for 6 months to keep a trusted contractor, than get er done and deal with a possible headache. Word of mouth is a great thing if you stick to your guns and give quality product without the attitude.

I was simply asking if anyone had a scheduling scheme that seemed to work out well and help things along with home time. ie working tues.- fri. and doing estimates and such on monday, etc etc etc.
Carpentry and kneedragging are two things I will do the rest of my life one way or the other. Just trying to find a way to do the carpentry the way I'd like to. Full Time. If you slow down your body goes to $hhi+, and it's too late to get back in if you've been out too long.

Kristina

That paragraph was left fieldish. Where in the original post was I asking for a hanky? Guess I worded something wrong.

I think it was the wording of the title. If you need to know how to balance everything, then obviously everything is NOT currently balanced. You sounded frustrated that you weren't able to meet the need of spending time with your family. This is apparently THEIR problem not yours.

I'm sorry, but I've got little sympathy for you. It sounds like you race because it's a "lifestyle", you work extra hours so you can "bang some nails". You say that the fact that you have so much work on the weekends isn't a problem. The racing is "neither here nor there", not negotiable.

It sounds to me like you think your family IS negotiable.

Frankly, if I were your wife, something would have to give. If your 9-5 pays the bills and then some, drop the weekend thing. Period.

If you aren't willing to give up "banging nails" because you like it so much, then the racing has to go. Or, quit your 9-5 and build full time and pay for bennies. You can get them through your Chamber of Commerce pretty inexpensively.

You are refusing to give up ANYTHING that you want to do, you don't seem to have a problem with that. Your family DOES have a problem with it and if they have a problem with it, you all do. That's how a family works.

Take a good look at your life and what's important. Go from there. It could be that you are just a selfish SOB and that's fine, really it is. You just need to clue your family in so they can make the choices they need to make regarding continuing to have you in their lives. It's only fair if they are lacking and you are not.

__________________

IHI

So you run the local track? If that is the case I also know full and well exactly what your dealing with weather your the track manager over seeing everything which is in itself a full time job, or just the track flunkie that mows the grass and does upkeep prior to race weekend. I spent alot of time behind the scenes as well helping when I could since I enjoyed the sport and the folks so much, and with that said I can totally relate to your position.

BUT, the fact of the matter is, your soo accustomed to the way things were that any type of change will be hard to accept since you build strong relationships with all the folks out there and they literally become your second family. I'm currently going through a post pardum depression myself not going out there, seems soo hard since I've used to taking Fri's completely off or leaving early to prep the car and load essentials for the weekend and then being gone with nothing to think about but racing for the weekend....now I'm just left in a state of confusion since my routine has been broken, but as the weather has been getting nicer we as a family have been able to do alot of things together that never would've happened before if I were still in the mix. Almost every weekend since the tracks been open it hits me and I look at the time thinking what'd I'd be doing right now "if". Then I see my daughter having fun, ability to actually attend family gatherings/other social events instead of wife having to explain to everybody "Josh is out of town racing, or just Josh is racing".

You've got 3 large irons in the fire and all 3 require your total mental and emotional investment to be good at, family, racing, construction. There are only soo many hours in a day and so many things one can accomplish, you want your cake and ability to eat it too. I used to be the same way and the older i get things evolve and priorities change. Sad to say, but having been there done that, it's just too mcuh complete dedication needed for everything you want and there is no real balance possible due to lack of time, so there has to be a sacrifice somewhere. There's nothing to stop you from handing over the reigns at the track and letting someone else take them for awhile, I know your pay doing that is probably less than ideal for responsiblites (depending what they are there) and from a tracks ownership stand point, they're just using you as long as possible, when you step down it will be played the same way but only with new blood to deal with the crap.

Your seriously setting yourself up for disaster, something will give at some point and I just hope for your sake it is'nt the family part that does, when your sitting at home alone all by yourself with no buddies around, no wife, no kids, it will hit you what just took place and where the sole responsiblity lies that made it all happen.

Make no mistake, you are NOT obligated to your customers for new work, just like racers, "handymen" come and go.

I hate to sound like a preaching father, but this strikes really close to home for me personally and is something I will be very vocal about good or bad.

__________________
Hot Rod Work Van
Car video clip
Web
The Photo Gear- Type Josh into Contact name when ordering

snapper21

Now it's become a trackoholics anonymous? Damn I only run track days about 2 days out of a month. Most cases I'm home before the wife is home from work. This has taken a wrong turn somewhere.
My hobby has never been an issue, nor will it be. I don't spend that kind of money on my racing. It's sportbikes, not drag car.
Trackday = 120.00 on average to get on, 75-80 per tire, A cooler full of water and food, the gas to get there, and the gas to ride. And it's funny you mention me mowing the grass at the track because that's where my nickname came from, no i'm not peter the mower pusher, turn 3 VIR I take real tight and real low and most days will rub a dirt spot in the grass if given enough laps to do so. Therefore they told me to go get snapper to sponsor me.
Anyway, nevermind with the whole post. It was about how you spend your week to make your days work out shorter, not about how can I give up everything I f'ing enjoy and just be a robot that drives to work and back and watches the news. Gotta go, got a headache.

Kristina

not about how can I give up everything I f'ing enjoy and just be a robot that drives to work and back and watches the news.

Wow. I missed where anyone suggested giving it *all* up. I can't help but note that you don't count your family among the things you "f'ing enjoy".

You actually have 4 irons in the fire, your 9-5, your family, you racing and your building. 3 out of those 4 are about YOU.

Most men who have families count them among the fun things in their lives, not another burden that needs to be "fit in" to the fun stuff.

I know plenty of guys who do what it is you do. I don't think poorly of them myself, it's just a choice you make. Some people would just make different choices. You just have to what you can live with.

There are not enough hours in the day. We've already suggested cutting back on the weekend work. What else were you looking for us to suggest?

__________________

IHI

LOL, I hear ya snapper, but here's the post you originally put up for referral talking about being overwhelmed by everything and where we all got on our high horse from

The way I read it, as did all the other's obviously, is your busy with your real job mon-thurs, your busy on the weekends with carpentry jobs, and on top of being busy mon-sun you try to fit racing in when possible too. The wife gave you an ultimatum yrs ago since you very seldon home since you were always working. The post comes off as even now your full all week and needing a break to get out of your work overload depression. In a nutshell you have to give up something, but what you give up is obviously upto you If your 9-5 is paying your bills and you have to work fri-sun's to fund your racing, by not racing at all or even half as much you've cut down the carpentry time since your not funding as much racing expenses, lose one and have the ability to give up the other

__________________
Hot Rod Work Van
Car video clip
Web
The Photo Gear- Type Josh into Contact name when ordering

snapper21

Maj seemed to get it. Depression part was the fact that I can book myself without too much effort for weekends, and am getting the bug to leave the drama filled BS 9-5 where I tote wanna be carpenters all week and get back into the game.
But I've now changed my mind. I'm going to sell my tools, buy a Ducati 999 and get back on the circuit. Ta Ta.
J.K.
Guess I wrote it bad. Should have read.
I hate my 9-5 and I want to go full on contractor again while I still have clientelle, which I see from the jobs that I have gotten for this summer allready. But my wife thinks it consumes time. Anybody have any ideas of how you can split your week to keep evenings open and still be productive?

Kristina

I hate my 9-5 and I want to go full on contractor again while I still have clientelle, which I see from the jobs that I have gotten for this summer allready. But my wife thinks it consumes time. Anybody have any ideas of how you can split your week to keep evenings open and still be productive?

Now THIS is a different egg altogether.

If you have enough side work lined up, then quitting the other job would free up your weekdays enough that you wouldn't have to tie up all day on the weekends.

I see no reason why you couldn't just put a 6 hour work day in. In my research on converting builder's pay into houry rates, most builder's can't (or shouldn't) work more than 6 hours a day anyway. It's physically taxing and you'll kill yourself.

You can start your day early, like at 7a and be done by 3p. Evenings are free every night. You could chose to only take appointments 2-3 nights a week on set nights, or you could set-aside Saturday mornings or Sunday afternoons.

You could also set aside Saturday or Sunday more likely as "family day". Nothing and I mean NOTHING comes before family on that day.

That's the nice thing about working for yourself, you set your hours and your days.

In our case, if we have a sub who calls and says they can get here for x day of the week, it might mean he has to pull a couple 16 hour days to finish what he's got to finish, but those are few and far between.

We have 5 kids and I have implemented an "all asses are in the house between 4-7p" rule. I get help with dinner, cleanup, bath time, homework and bedtime. After 7p he is free to back to work, out for a drink, whatever, but between 4-7p unless it's impossible, he is home with me.

__________________

Tscarborough

After doing dawn to dark for about 20 years, I decided to make the change. I worked for 2 years in a job that was flexible enough so that I was able to put my kids on the bus and meet them when they got off of it, as well as spend full evenings and weekends with them.

After that 2 years, I realized that they actually had lives that did not involve me, and went back to an outside job. I still wake them up in the morning and kiss them goodnight, but their school and sports activities take up a lot of their time. Saturdays are thier game day, but Sunday is my day. We do, however, eat at least one meal a day together, 6 days a week.