Death Sucks, Now To Handle Obligations

Ed the Roofer

My wifes Mother passed away yesterday afternoon.

She was only 54 years old and leaves behind many children, but most importantly, the 2 who still lived at home with her.

There is a daughter who is 19 and going to Junior College and a 17 year old son who is still in High School.

The father is married to someone else now and never contributed anything to the cost of raising them and their Mother was only able to work part time to be able to raise them the best that she could, while only being able to afford the most basic partially subsidized rental housing.

My wife an I are in charge of the funeral arrangements. I have a very limited clue on what needs to be done and what kind of costs and payment plans there will be available. Lisa was my Mother-In-Laws name and she not only was a good non-interfering Mother-In-Law, but also a friend to me and my wifes Best Friend.

After spending the past 71 days in the Hospital from an Aortic Dissection, then needing to be placed in a medicated barbiturate coma for about 2 1/2 weeks. Upon being awakened from the coma, she has minimal to no use of her muscles, not completely from atrophy, but from brain signals being needed to relearn their stimulating tasks.

Then, with things seemingly on their way to getting better and being moved from the ICU Floor to the Rehabilitation floor, she seemed to be making some headway.

Then, last week she was having more problems during her breathing exercises and had elevated heart rates.

An autopsy is going to be performed to determine what the cause of death was, but in hindsight, why was she not back on the ICU floor with the advent of additional problems.

No Will was made out and now th children may wind up at our home and care.

I really am not experienced at what needs to be done, but will be getting the proper advice from the Funeral Home Director and her Priest at her Church, I imagine.

I just needed to ramble.....

Thanks for listening.

Ed

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joasis

You have my number if you need it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Meetre

Sorry to hear Ed. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your's.

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Brickie

Please accept our condolences for your loss.

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Magnettica

54 years is so young. I'm sorry for your loss.

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threaderman

You seem very level headed Ed,good luck as this unfolds.It seems life is one life altering event after the other.I'll say a prayer for your family.

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SLSTech

Ed, my thoughts & prayers go out to you, the kids and everyone else involved. On the financial / material side you need to see a lawyer ASAP & possibly your CPA after the lawyer. On the personal side, being there for the kids and your wife are at the top of the list.

The church may or may not be a help (Some people will get very defensive with god & religion for allowing this to happen) There are some good school councilors, along with Social Services that may be able to help also. If I can help, even just to talk let me know

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Ed

I am sorry for your families lost. I will keep you all in my prayers.

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English Roofer

So sorry to hear about your loss Ed, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Ed the Roofer

Just a point that I did not mention, is that it was her wish to be cremated, so at least that one heart rendering decision has been predetermined for us.

Today and last night has been nothing but phone call after phone call, both incoming and out going.

To those that wonder if it appropriate to call someone, Yes, it is warmly appreciated and not an indulgence at the difficult emotional time.

So, when in doubt with one of your friends or family members, Make The Call. They are all helpful.

One friend of our was thoughtful enough, to have made up a batch of chili and delivered it to our home this afternoon, so we didn't have to worry about cooking something for dinner tonight. Good idea. I never would have thought of that.

The best that friends can do, is just let their bereaving friends know that you are there for them, even though we don't know what we could even ask them to do.

Thank you all. My PM box is nearly full, so if you wanted to say something to me out of the public eye, feel free to use the e-mail function.

Thank you all and God Bless.

Ed

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Deadhead Derek

My thoughts are with you and your family. I feel it is safe to say that those of us here, as brothers in the trade, no matter how new, have your back, all you need do is ask.

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PA woodbutcher

Ed, My thought and prayers are with you also. Good advice here from SLS. Had to take care of my first funeral arrangements last month. Wasn't easy, but got through it.

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Hersheyplumbing

Another thing that sucks about being self employed contractor is you can't call in. Things still need to be taken care of but in times like this that involves family it's not hard to place priority on issues. Good luck and sorry for your alls loss.

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dakzaag

Ed,
I am sorry to hear of your loss.

You will find the funeral director and priest to be invaluable at this difficult time, as well as close friends. The first week or so can be somewhat surreal and don't be suprised if you find yourself wondering if this is just a bad dream.

After some time (each person is different) you will begin to return to a more normal emotional state and then I suggest you look for assitance to help you and your wife determine the best solutions to the concerns of your in-laws family.

I would discourage making any major decisions right away, try to wait a month if possible to let the emotional wave pass and then use a clear head to make decisions. This will be difficult as the day to day needs of your wife's siblings will still need to be met, although they are at least used to mom being away so the initial shock will be a little less.

15 years ago our family suffered a difficult loss in a tragic accident(our first born son). The most helpful thing my wife and I did was attend a support group called compassion international. We found comfort and encouragement meeting others who were suffering similar circumstances and this saved our lives and marriage.

I'm sure you will get through this and finding a group of people to help you walk a path they have been down before can be very beneficial.

For today and the near future just know that a lot of people are praying and sending warmest thoughts your way. As I learned from our experience, just take one step at a time and if that gets too hard just hold on til things look a little better.

We are here for you any time, as much help as you have been to others on this site, the time has come for you to get support from us.

Contact me if I can help in any way.

Dave

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precisionbuild

Ed, my thought and prayers are with you.

Hersheyplumbing

Another thing that sucks about being self employed contractor is you can't call in. Things still need to be taken care of but in times like this that involves family it's not hard to place priority on issues. Good luck and sorry for your alls loss.

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Tinstaafl

Ed, I'm about as lousy as one can be at trying to verbalize thoughts of empathy and comfort. I just want to let you know that the feelings are there. Neither my nor my wife's parents are still with us, so we know at least some of what you're going through.

I'm putting in a word with the Big Guy for all of you.

dougchips

Give your wife a big hug from all of us, then give yourself one.

If you need anything let me know.

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Framer53

Sorry to hear that ED. I have read many of your posts here and JLC, haven't talked much.
You will be in my prayers tonight.

MACEXCAVATING

For what it is worth, please accept my deepest condolences. Prayers to you and your family.

New Guy

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